Paraphernalia {Perrentes}

Selfish Machine

Tony

2 months later

I've been trying to speak for weeks and weeks. But nothing came out. I was lost. Mute. I refused to talk, because the person that I wanted to talk to was gone. He was nowhere to be found. Day by day, a new face came in this so called treatment center. But I along with everyone else in here knew that it was a living nightmare. This was hell in disguise. Looking around, everyone is either happy, or like me.

Depressed. Alone. Lost. Hurt.

I missed being with my friends. I missed laughing and holding the person I let run away. The person that made me happy. The only person that pushed the thoughts that I am fighting in my head away. I just wanted to be happy. I urged to feel loved once again. The burning sensation that I had in my heat was the only thing that I felt and I hated it.

"Tony. Are you going to talk this week?" Dr. Iero asked, leaning forward in his chair.  I just stared at the black haired man and said nothing. "Ok. Well it has almost been 3 months since the passing of your mother and you friend. How does that make you feel?" He asked once again. I could hear the hope in his voice. I just sighed and leaned forward in my chair.

"How do I feel? You would like to know how I feel?" I questioned with irritation lacing my voice. He just looked at me, waiting for an answer. "I feel like shit. Why you ask? Because I am an orphan. If and when I leave here, I have nobody. Both my parents are dead, and my best friend is 6 feet under the stars. The person I love the most is god knows where. I pushed him away along with the rest of the friends I have. So I am just fin doc." I told him sarcastically.

He sighed and put his head down. Tears slowly fell down my face. Even the doctor can't help me. "What is wrong with me?" I asked through my tears. He instantly looked at me. "Nothing is wrong with you Tony. You are just lost, and that is fine. You don't know what to do and that is why I am here. I am here to help you." He said, walking to my side. I looked up at him, and quietly thanked him. He simply  nodded and sat back down in his seat.

"As for Mike. He is. Well, he is in max." More tears fell down my face. "Max? Why?" I asked, already feeling guilty for what was about to come out of the doctors mouth. He sighed. "I can't discuss that with you. All you need to know is that he will be out soon." I lowered my head and began playing with my thumbs.

"Can I go now?" I quietly asked. Dr. Iero gave me a simple yes and with that I was on my way. Guilt coursing my veins. Regret filling my head. I was thinking about myself and not about Mike. I wasn't thinking about the effect that this would have on him. I was being selfish. What was supposed to be a week apart turned into months.

It was all my fault. I sighed and made my way to the cafeteria for lunch. I got a few stares from others as I walked to the table that I used to sit at. I sat down in the only chair left. The chair that Mike used to sit in. I sighed as the rest of the group looked up. Everyone gave me dirty looks except Alan. He slightly smiled. I returned the favor and met the harsh looks of everyone else.

"Look who decided to join us today Jack." Alexander breathed out. I sighed and began to play with my thumbs once again. "Look, I am sorry for abandoning you guys the way I did." I told them. They said nothing but set death glares. "I understand if you don't want me around anymore. But, please give me another chance." I pleaded.

Once again nothing but silence. I sighed, and waited for them to bring what ever it was we were  having. The silence scared me. I didn't know what to do but sigh occasionally and play with my thumbs. The nurses soon brought food out and the 5 if us at in silence. On occasion, someone would say something or cough.

I finished my food and got up to throw it in the trash. Half way there, I was falling to the ground. I let out a groan. I slowly pushed myself up and looked at the floor beneath me. My leftovers were everywhere. I sighed as began picking up the spilled milk and sandwich pieces.

"Let me help you." The person said. That's when I stopped, looking at the person that caused the horror scene in front of me. It was him. The boy that I fell in love with 5 months ago was standing in front of me.

"Um, not to be rude or anything, but why do you keep staring at me?" The question took me by surprise. He was joking right? He has to be. "What do you mean? I am Tony." I said, picking up the extra pieces of bread. He just shook his head. "I don't know a Tony. I'm sorry." That's when my world crashed down.

Something is wrong. I am on pranked and any second Ashton Kutcher is going to come around the corner. I sighed and thanked him for helping me. I went back to the room that I was in just an hour before.

"What did they do to him? He doesn't remember me." I practically yelled at Dr. Iero. He sighed and took his glasses off. "Tony, you know I can't talk about other patients and their treatment with you. "Why? What did they do to him in Max?" I yelled once again. He just shook his head. "I can't tell you. I', sorry." Was all he said before putting his glasses back  on and leaving me at the door.

My knees felt weak. My heartbeat quickened. He was gone. For good. He knows nothing of what we had. What we had was in the past and there is nothing I can do about that. I sighed and made my fway to my room. Slowly thinking of way to forget about the perfectly toned Mexican boy that I loved so dearly.

I know I am being selfish, but he balances me out. He makes me fell whole. Like I belong, and I know I do the same for him. And in reality, I am not ready for the pain of loosing another person that I love.

My lovely Secsky Goats, an update finally. School starts on Wednesday, and I am ready but then again I am not. But please vote and comment thoughts and ideas. I've decided to go back to one P.O.V, because it will be easier for me. Also, I am thinking about 5-6 more parts and then it is ending. I've decide on a  title for the sequel and everything.

More news will come soon. Love you guys!!!!!!