Not So Broken (West Coast College Book 3)

Chapter 36

Ava

Mon, June 3 at 1:04 AM
Please keep an eye on him up there.
And tell him that Brayden loves him. So fucking much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been just over a week since Tyler passed and everyone is in shambles.

I've been staying with Brayden as much as I can, cooking and cleaning for him or even just holding him while he cries himself to sleep.

We've been watching lots of comedy TV shows to try and lighten the mood during the night when the pain becomes too much for Brayden and he wakes sweating and shaking, calling out for his boyfriend.

I learnt from Maeve that while Tyler and Brayden were out walking to get coffee, some drunk driver hit them and ran, fleeing away until police matched his plates with the ones shown on some nearby surveillance camera.

Brayden walked away with just a sprained wrist and some small bruises and scrapes but Tyler passed on the way to the hospital in the ambulance, having saved Brayden by shoving him out of the way when he saw the impaired driver heading directly towards them.

My heart aches for Brayden, the guilt he's feeling crushing him more everyday. I nudge his shoulder when I hear his front door click open. "Hey. Your Mom's here. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

He glances at me, the first time he's actually looked at me since Tyler passed. "Thank you," He whispers, voice flat, "I think I want to talk to someone. It's what Tyler would have wanted."

Giving him a soft smile, I kiss his cheek before standing. "I think that's a wonderful idea, Brayden. Tyler would be so proud."

He tunes me out, turning his attention back to the TV with hunched shoulders. I gather my bag and Kindle, smiling when I see his Mom hovering by the door. "Hi, Julia."

Julia smiles, patting my shoulder. "Hi, Ava. I can't thank you enough for staying with him when I'm at work. I-I don't know what I'd do without you. Truly."

"Don't thank me. I want to be here for him." We say our goodbyes before I leave and pick up some Japanese food for dinner since it's almost eight.

I almost contemplated not going back to the apartment. It's been hard watching Cameron fall apart and grieve, buying his weight in beer and shutting everyone out.

The worst part is that he's still been going to classes and practice, despite Coach Miller giving the team as much time as they need off. Only a handful of the players have gone back, but even then it's only for a couple hours at max.

When I do make it back to the apartment almost an hour later due to me stalling, Cameron's still in the same spot I left him in on the couch but now his cheeks are heavily flushed as he clutches a bottle of what looks like vodka to his chest.

Everyone grieves in different ways. I know that. I really, really do. But it's been hard to watch him get up everyday, go to practice like nothing's happened, then come home and turn to many bottles of beer and alcohol when he could've been turning to me instead.

And if not me, at least one of the other guys. But that hasn't been the case unfortunately.

"Hey, Ava." Mike reaches into the fridge for a soda. "How is he?"

I plop the food onto the counter and grab plates for the three of us. "Not great but I think he's gonna go talk to someone. I think that'll really help him."

Mike nods in agreement. "That's great. And if he ever needs anything, let us know. The team is always here for him."

Glancing towards Cameron who's lying motionless on the couch, I sigh and massage behind my ears. I cancelled my audiologist appointment but now I'm really regretting it with the random pains I've been having.

"Cameron?" Plopping my ass beside him, I gently remove the vodka from his hands. "I picked up some Japanese for dinner. You should really eat."

My nose scrunches. He reeks of booze and sweat. My guess is he hasn't showered in days. But that's okay. "Let's clean you up before you eat." I grab under his arms. "Stand up, big boy. You need a shower."

He does what I say but moves like a robot, limbs stiff and heavy as I drag him down the hall with the help of Mike before I go tell him to eat. I plant Cameron on the toilet seat before I flick the water on, making sure it's warm enough.

"I'm gonna take your shirt and jeans off, okay?" Pulling at his shirt, I do my best not to stare at his abs and smooth skin but it gets harder when I have to kneel down to yank his jeans off. Keeping his boxers on, I help him stand.

Cameron grunts when the spray of the water starts pounding on his back, his blonde hair falling over his eyes. Making sure not to grab their bottle of fucking lube, I lather him with shampoo and conditioner, smiling softly when he reaches out to hold my hand.

"I miss him so much, Ava."

He says it so softly, so quietly that I have to do a double take to make sure I heard him right. I rinse out the conditioner. "I know. And I'm so, so sorry, Cameron. But I'm here, alright? Right here."

Cameron hums, long lashes fluttering when his eyes close. I swallow. I thought we were making just a little bit of progress but he's just shutting me out even more.

"I'm gonna reschedule my audiologist appointment for this Wednesday if you still wanted to come." I sound hopeful and when he glances at me with clearer eyes, that hope only grows.

Feeling more optimistic than a moment before, I continue my yapping. "Maybe you could come to work with me soon? Get out of the house and we can go for lunch?"

"Maybe," He says vacantly, and I help him into some clean sweats and shirt. He reaches for the bottle of vodka when we make it back into the kitchen but I swipe it away from him before he has a chance to take a swig.

Cameron glares daggers. "The hell? Let me have it."

He's never talked to me like this before but I hold my chin high as I dump the contents down the drain, watching whatever colour was left in his face drain. "You've been drowning yourself in this stuff for over a week. I understand your in pain. I do-"

"Stop saying that! You understand nothing! Jack fucking shit." I take a step back, the empty bottle trembling in my hand. "My heart fucking hurts. My head fucking hurts and there's nothing helping with taking away the pain."

A sob chokes out of Cameron and I hold in my own. "Like fuck I don't understand, Cam. I've gone through this exact same situation so just let me help you. Let anyone help you because I'm watching you wither away in front of me and I can't take it anymore. I love you too much to just let you throw your life away."

He's drunk. He's drunk. He's fucking drunk.

Cameron clears his throat, raising an eyebrow. "And if I want to throw my life away?"

"Then don't say I didn't warn you. If you want to be kicked off the team, fine. There goes your shot at the NHL." I take a step forward. "You want everyone who loves and cares about you to stop because you turned to alcohol instead of them? That's your fucking problem."

Something finally clicks inside of him. His eyes widen with realization and his body starts trembling before another sob leaves him. Eyes meeting mine, they fill with utter agony. "I'm sorry, Ava. I'm so sorry."

His body fails him as he falls onto the couch, a mess of tears and heartache as he mourns the loss of his friend. Sighing, I draw circles on his back and squeeze his hand until he falls asleep with his head on my shoulder.

I smile at how peaceful he looks, no tension wrinkling at his face and I can't see the pain in his eyes right now.

God, I'm so fucking tired. But I stay awake through every twitch and flinch of his body, shushing him back to sleep when he does wake.

So. Fucking. Tired.