Sleep, My Love

Chapter 17

"I'm so glad you could join us for Christmas, dear. It's going to be a wonderful trip!"

Malapad ang ngiti ni Mama Grace habang nakadungaw sa bintana. Nandito kami ngayon sa loob ng eroplano at papunta sa isang bansa na malapit sa puso nila. They insisted on taking me to the Austrian capital to celebrate Christmas Eve. Ganito naman every year, hindi nila hinahayaan na maiwan akong mag isa na sinasalubong ang pasko.

I returned Mama Grace's smile, but my mind was elsewhere. Hindi maalis sa isipan ko 'yung pag amin ni Rylan ng festival night. His words were hanging in the air between them like an unspoken promise. I was taken aback and hindi ko inakala na ganoon pala ako ka-importante sa kaniya.

I had considered him a friend, a kind and supportive presence in my life, but I had never thought of him in romantic terms. Hindi ko alam kung paano magre-react sa biglaang pag-amin niya na mahal niya ako.

Malalim ang salitang pagmamahal. Hindi lang ito simpleng emosyon. You should have a deep experience of admiration, care, and value to a person. It also involves understanding and accepting the entirety of a person, including their weaknesses and imperfections. Hindi mo lang basta-basta sinasabi 'to, kailangan nang masinsinan na pakikipag usap sa sarili mo kung mahal mo na ba talaga 'yung tao o infatuation lang.

Now, as I sat on the plane with Mama Grace and Papa Rob, the confession weighed heavily on my mind. Dahil din sa gulat ko nung gabi na 'yon, hindi na ako nakasagot. I was speechless. I left him with no answer. Hindi ko kasi alam ang isasagot dahil akala ko crush lang ang naramdaman niya sa akin, pero ibang usapan na kasi dahil mahal niya raw ako.

Alam ko kailangan kong i-address 'yon paguwi ko ng pinas. I need to talk to him and clarify my feelings. But the thought of hurting him, of potentially ruining what I called friendship, worried me a bit.

"Ma," I called, my voice was hesitant. "Can I ask you something?"

She turned to me. "Of course, dear. What's on your mind?"

I hesitated, unsure of how to put my feelings into words. "It's about... a friend," I said, choosing my words carefully. "He... he told me he has feelings for me, but I'm not sure how I feel. I don't want to hurt him, but I also don't want to lead him on."

She listened attentively. "It sounds like you're in a difficult situation," she uttered gently. "It's important to be honest with yourself and with your friend. Think about your feelings and what you want, and have a conversation with him. It may be hard, but honesty is always the best policy."

I nodded, appreciating her wise words. I knew I needed to have a conversation with Rylan, to clarify my feelings and set boundaries. Hindi magiging madali pero alam kong ito ang nararapat na gawin. Ayoko nang lumala pa ito. This is out of control.

"You know, your situation reminds me of my own past," she mentioned. "I also faced the similar dilemma, torn between two men who had both confessed their feelings for me. Pero alam mo ba? Si Papa Rob mo lang talaga ang pinili ko. I chose him not because he was the safer choice, but because he was the one who made my heart truly sing."

Choose.. do I need to choose?

"I never looked back, dear. He has been my rock, my love, my everything. And I knew from the moment I met him that he was the one for me," she continued, smiling.

May similarities nga ang sitwasyon namin, how history seemed to be repeating itself. Pero ang kaibahan lang, hindi ko alam kung sino ang pipiliin ko. Hindi ko alam kung kailangan ko ba talagang mamili. I didn't ask to be in this situation. And I knew I can't predict the future, couldn't know for certain what lay ahead.

Is the love worth the risk, worth the uncertainty?

When the plane touched down in Vienna, I decided to shake off the thoughts for the meantime and enjoy this Christmas with my loved ones. Kinuha na ni Papa Rob ang mga bagahe namin sa airport at hinihintay na lang namin 'yung Tito ko na susundo sa amin gamit ang van.