Our Delicate Bliss

Chapter 36

Shan

Iniwan ko sa kwarto ko 'yung mga ibinigay sa 'kin ni Lana. Hindi ko na dadalhin papuntang States, wala nang silbi kung dadalhin ko pa. 

Dahil hindi na ako sasama sa father ko.

I walk down the corridor towards the stairs leading to the living room. Huminto ako sa itaas ng hagdan. Nakita ko na kausap ng ama ko ang driver namin sa labas, sa nakabukas na pinto. I froze from where I was standing.

Maliwanag pa sa labas pero malapit nang bumaba ang araw.

Only one outcome comes to mind when I think about what I'm about to do, and that is getting slapped across the face by my father for speaking 'nonsense' to him. I can't imagine him not getting mad. 

Pero mas hindi ko maimagine ang mahiwalay kay Lana.

Kaya huminga na ako ng malalim. Ano naman kung saktan niya ulit ako? Ano naman? At least sinubukan kong kontrolin ang sarili kong buhay, 'di ba?

It's now or never.

It's now or never.

Isang comforting na kamay ang humawak sa balikat ko. "Tara?" wika ni Ate Marie, may ngiti sa labi niya.

Tumango ako at bumaba kami pareho sa hagdan. My father wore a light blue button-down shirt, tucked in his dark blue trousers, wearing black sunglasses.

Nang lumapit kami sa kan'ya ay agad kaming napansin. Tinapos niya makipag-usap sa driver namin bago tingnan kami ni Ate Marie na nasa likod ko.

My father removes his glasses and looks me up and down with a raised brow. "Why are you still in your uniform?" His tone wasn't welcoming as usual, it made my hands tremble as I glanced at Ate Marie now beside me.

There was a sudden lump built up in my throat. I swallow it and muster all the courage in my veins to speak. "I'm no longer coming with you, father." My heart pounds so hard I'm afraid he can hear it, hear the fear rushing throughout my body.

He looks to be in disbelief at first. Then he hissed and hung his glasses on the collar of his shirt. Madiin siyang nagsalita, "Do you hear yourself right now, Wren? Or do you want me to hit you again to put some sense in that vacuous brain of yours?"

My father's words strike down my fragile confidence. Bumigat 'yung hangin na parang dumidiin sa dibdib ko, na para bang dahilan ng hindi ko paghinga nang maayos.

"Do. I. Have. To. Repeat. Myself. Wren?" matalim ang bawat salitang lumalabas sa bibig niya, at naramdaman kong lumapit ng bahagya si Ate Marie sa tabi ko.  

"N-no," my voice trembled a bit but I regained composure in an instant. "And I also do not need to repeat myself, father. I'm staying here and that's my decision."

It took him a second to reply. Punong-puno ng kabiguan ang tingin niya sa 'kin. Then he scoffs with a subtle smirk tugging on his lips, still in disbelief. "Fine."

Did my ears just deceive me? Tama ba rinig ko?

"But you are no longer my son."

Tears threatened to form my eyes. The weight of my father's disappointment pressed down on me. Pero mararamdaman ko na ba, sa wakas, ang kalayaang inaasam ko?

Naglakad na siya palayo, papunta sa sasakyan. Sumunod 'yung driver namin na mukhang nakinig sa buong pinag-usapan. Sinenyasan siya ng father ko na lumayo at mukhang siya na lang mismo ang mag dri-drive.

Mabilis na naka-alis ang kotseng sinakyan niya.

I let out a shaky breath of unsureness. Tumingin ako kay Ate Marie, may proud siyang ngiti sa labi niya.