From Dreams to Nightmares

Chapter 17

Kaly perspective

  I fucked up so bad!

I feel so bad! Why do I feel so bad? Hell, I didn't want it to happen, but I couldn't hold back my nerves. Now I'm even more sorry for hitting Zoe, she doesn't deserve this, I deserve every single thing that happens to me!

I turn back towards her but am greeted by a swift slap.  Damn she really knew how to hit, my face hurts like hell right now. I massage my cheek with my palm and Zoe continues to look at me intensely. "Are we ready now? Without violence?" I ask her but she still doesn't answer me, she looks at me defiantly with her arms crossed. " Zoe I'm sorry I shouldn't have hit you, it was a bad thing and I regret it. But I couldn't help myself when I saw what you did!" I said trying to calm her and me at the same time. "Why did you sleep with him?" She was disappointed in me, I knew I would disappoint her.

"Do you have anything to prove by this? Do you realize that you may have lost the only person who accepts you with all your flaws and not for your body? Do you think it was difficult for her to fuck you in the car then? Not at all! But she chose not to do it for your sake and for you. And I don't believe you if you tell me you liked him better than if he was Octavia!" I hate it when she's right but we couldn't have this conversation here in the middle of the hall and the lunch break was already over. "Please let's talk somewhere else!"

I take her hand and pull her out of the building. I wanted to go far away so that not a single soul would hear what I was about to say. I realized how wrong I was only after the fact was already consumed. And I hate myself for it, because it wasn't until I was in bed with him that I realized how much I wished it was Octavia in his place.

We sat down on a bench behind the compound. It's a quiet area, not populated by students, nobody really comes here. My friend looks at me and I involuntarily a tear runs down my cheek. "I'm going to break up with him like I promised you Zoe, but I was scared. I was afraid that the moment I gave myself to her I would no longer be able to hide what I feel. I had to accept that I like Octavia!" I told her between sobs and she just looked at me with an expression without empathy. "That doesn't excuse what you did! And the fact that you didn't even break up with him condemns you to what is happening to you. All my life you've told me how you want the first time you sleep with someone to be for love. With a person you are attracted to and in whose presence you feel safe and comfortable. And that you will make love with that person like in the stories! But I see your story has turned into more of a drama! And I don't recognize you anymore!" She was talking and tears were streaming down my cheeks. "I didn't want to accept that she was that Zoe persona, I wanted to see if it was all just in my head, if this attraction to her was just in my head. I let him be the first to try to convince myself that I don't need her, and that she's not the one I want!" my voice was trembling and hoarse, I would have thrown myself into the deepest pit and hid there forever. "Please don't be mad at me!"

"Even if I wanted to, I can't be mad at you because you're my best friend. And I don't feel like you should apologize so much!" he tells me and takes me to dance and I wipe my tears. "Good luck trying to win Octavia back, because I don't think she wants anything to do with you!"

" I Know!" I tell her and she plays with my hair which was now tangled and she was struggling to get it out of my face. "Did you even like it? I mean how did he do? Did he make you?" She asked me and the memories came back like a storm. It was horrible. The pain, the carelessness, everything. "No, he didn't, it was horrible, and it still hurts like hell." I tell her and she looks at me worriedly.

"Sex doesn't have to be like that! You'll see for yourself, believe me!" she tells me and my mind wanders in the evening from the car spent with Octavia. The way her lips made me dizzy and her hands roamed all over my body, they were everywhere and still not enough. I was so wet and horny that my pussy was tightening around nothing. The attraction was so intoxicating I forgot to breathe as her hands massaged my breasts and my center rubbed perfectly against her erection.

Why am I torturing myself now? I know what I did is unforgivable but I would still do anything for Octavia to forgive me.

Lost in thought, she finds me in the evening, in my own kitchen. Lily was already long asleep. It was quite late. The moons were weak, I could still see where I was moving. I was looking at the glass of milk I was trying to drink because I couldn't sleep even if I tried. The music plays on mute from the phone so I don't wake anyone up. But still they start humming softly when the song 'Nothing on you' by Bruno Mars starts playing in the background. I remember her voice singing to me and cooking. How could I have been such an idiot not to realize that all she wanted was for us to be just the two of us in her world. In her world far too perfect for me. And I threw everything in the trash in a moment of curiosity.

Sebastian didn't even bother to text me to ask where I was after I left the high school for the rest of the day without any explanation.  And I, like a fool, offered him so many privileges. I will definitely break up with him as soon as possible!

Humming the song on I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even hear what was around me. I feel two hands lightly pressing on my waist and a smell of alcohol fills my nose. I turn around quickly, scared, and face Octavia. My heart stopped instantly. "How did you get here? You are drunk?" I ask her, and she leans on me in vain, standing on her feet. I could feel my body burning uncontrollably at her touch. This is not the time Kaly! " How can you sleep at night Kalilah? Knowing you broke my heart..." I always hated my name but the way she said it, the way she pronounced it sounded sweet as honey. A different kind of music, much more original to my ears. "As you can see I can't sleep!" I tell her but she doesn't listen to me but just looks at me totally lost in her own thoughts.

"I would have fucked you much better than him, and you know it! I had you spitting out my name without touching you, imagine being inside you, pounding you in waves of pleasure until you couldn't walk anymore. Until all you know how to say is my name!"

Fuck, her words and scent were my weak point and her standing so close doesn't help me at all...

AN: Do you think Kaly deserve forgiveness?