From Dreams to Nightmares

Chapter 20

Kaly's perspective

  Being popular has never been an aspect of my personality. Despite the attention surrounding me I didn't choose it, to be honest attention is the only thing I didn't fight for. It just came to me, and I had to homogenize with it, like sugar in coffee. I am not a person attached to a continuous sustainability from others.  I like being alone.  And that's why I torture myself because I know she's different. Because for the first time in my life, I wanted someone else's company, hers, only hers, much more than my own.

  I wanted to hit all the walls with my head and I watched her walk away from me. How did I manage to screw it all up? Everything was so good, her touch was so unique, comfortable. In her arms I could have slept forever. Just to feel surrounded by her strong arms. To feel her well-defined muscles under my touch. I think I'm crazy! In fact, I'm sure I went crazy! She drove me completely crazy...

   It's incredible how I imagine her inside me and my body heats up with pleasure, but when I think of Sebastian all I can feel is the terrible pain I experienced.  And I would let her climb me on all the walls in the house, fuck me on every piece of furniture.

   And now thinking about it, my mind goes to the erection she had, and the sensation I had when I touched her. It was bigger than Sebastian's for sure. And if it hurt like that for him, I don't even want to imagine, but my body doesn't think and only wants her, it becomes a torment. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't do anything at all without thinking about her.

   And more than two weeks have passed since that day. The late autumn was getting colder and colder. Leaves were everywhere like a sea of ​​colors littered the streets. The cold and fierce wind blew them around, covering every bit of asphalt.  And like seasons and people change. Octavia grew cold, like the weather outside.  Her ignorance destroyed me more than if she was nervous or angry with me. But she was disappointed, disappointed that I was afraid of her love. I was afraid to give it a chance.  My relationship with Sebastian became almost non-existent. We don't talk, we don't eat at the same table, he doesn't even care that I distance myself from him just because he's the only one left at the popular table. What he doesn't understand is that they will kick him out without a second thought the second I say out loud that our relationship is over.  And to be honest, the time has come to say it, in front of everyone. I can't be in a relationship with someone I don't want, I don't love.

I was currently in the locker room preparing for PE, the locker room was almost full, the girls were talking, laughing loudly at each other. But the most important thing they did was gossip! Gossip is the most practiced activity in high school, from ancient times to the present. I look back at Zoe who is meticulously putting her hair back into a ponytail. But her gaze was fixed elsewhere. And with a strange expression he listens to their conversation. Zoe is the biggest gossiper you could ever meet, she knows absolutely everything.

But out of curiosity my attention wanders to the group of girls who have caught Zoe's attention, snickering trying to look shy as they shamelessly stare at... fuck. They were looking at Octavia.  Octavia in just her sports bra and sweatpants, Searching for a t-shirt in her bag and her stomach muscles were highlighted in the camera light and her toned arms flexed as they searched. It looks too good!

Looking at her I felt like the world stopped, the noisy voices were silent, the shadows didn't move me, I was completely attracted by her lascivious presence. I hadn't even realized my mouth was open until Zoe's hand closed it and I was startled by her gesture. "Shut your mouth, I could see your drool running dear!" she whispers in my ear, and I could feel myself blushing as I was caught doing what we were doing, I couldn't help it either.  "God she's so hot!" a girl in the group says and my eyes find her instantly. Why was I feeling this way? In the end she didn't say an untrue thing but it annoyed me that she said it anyway.  I look back at Octavia again, but this time she was dressed and already looking at me. Her eyes meet mine and a smile blooms at the corner of her mouth when she sees my facial expression. I knew she also heard what that girl said, and she saw the way I reacted.

  I do wanted her to say something, being ignored by her I never thought it would be so tormenting. I wanted her to look at me again, to see that spark again. But she just shuck her head left the room. She left the room again, just like in that morning. The last time I truly slept in my whole life.

  Since when do I got so attached to her?

I would rather she turn around, yell at me, scold me, but her silence and indifference is slowly killing me. Missing her touch, missing her sarcastic remarks, missing her bright smile just like the night we danced in the kitchen while cooking. Everything became like a hole in my soul, a terror because everything I feel now is new, for the first time it is different and it scares me, but I feel that I could not live without her.

And yet I don't want to live without her, I look for her everywhere, in my dreams and in my memories. Trying to enjoy at least a little more of what was beautiful before I ruined everything.  Fear brought out the worst in me, and that made me hurt her. And I wonder in every moment of my existence whether it would have been better to choose her or is this a necessary evil to bring me to reality. To open my eyes and find out that there really is someone out there who would give anything for me and I didn't care at all. I didn't believe anyone when they told me that love hurts so much, guilt grinds you down and finally consumes you completely.  Because my soul really hurts knowing that I hurt her, and her kisses burn my skin. Love is torture, it makes you mortal. Love makes me human...