Stars In Her Eyes

One

My room is empty, the whole house is. Our entire life is now packed away in boxes. They're spread all around the house. Every room has a bunch of boxes stacked on each other, ready to move away and start over.

My room is no exception, a pile of boxes is stacked next to my now empty closet and another pile has fallen over out of the bathroom and into my bedroom.

There is two more boxes on my bed waiting to get taped shut.

I can't do it just yet. I'm not ready to finalize packing. I'm not ready to kiss this place goodbye.

After all these years this is it, we're leaving.

Our house, the place we grew up in. Holding a million memories, good and bad ones. From first steps to first heartbreak. Connection, love, loss, fear so many feelings have entered this house.

No matter how tough life got, how much shit it threw at us. This house was the place we could always come home to.

We could always trust it to provide comfort, warmth and safety. Now we're leaving it behind.

Soon it will be someone else to make their home.

I hope whoever ends up living here will have the same comfort we've been having all these years. I hope this house will be their home like it was ours.

Mom and Amy are moving into an apartment in Brooklyn. While I'm moving into my new dorm room a few blocks further. Just a month ago I graduated and so now adult life is waiting for me. It's laying right in front of me.

I applied for college last year and lucky I did because by the beginning of January the program was already full.

I've been living up to this moment for months and now that it's here I have many mixed emotions.

College, in the movies it seems like so much fun. Lovers, breaking the rules, wild parties, getting in trouble, doing things you're not supposed to. College seems to have it all.

Of course there is some studying from time to time. It's the door to your future but also the closing gate of your childhood.

Growing up is the scariest thing, leaving home, Amy and especially mom. It's quite a lot.

But I am very excited for this next chapter of my life.

I'm going to be doing an art program. I've always been a creative spirit. Painting, drawing, photography those are my favorite pastimes.

In this art program all these things will be combined. My biggest passions and I'll be doing them daily while being taught how to improve them.

It all seems like a dream.

So here I am, sitting on my bed trying to gather the courage to tape up these last boxes. Why is it so hard? It's getting so real now, it's like it only just started hitting me that I'm actually leaving all of this behind. I'm going to be on my own. Fully alone. Out there, without having mom to look out for me. I'm gonna need to take care of things myself.

Of course I can reach out to her for help but it won't be the same as having her around the house all day. Then again some more freedom seems nice.

Still, suddenly it all seems wrong, I don't wanna go to college. I wanna stay here forever with mom and Amy. Exactly how we've always been. I suck at change.

But no, this is happening. I have to let it happen in order to grow.

It's a good thing, I'm becoming a strong independent woman.

Well something like that...

Lucky is still laying on my lap, my heart can't bare to put him in a box. He's afraid of the dark. Okay so he can't really feel anything but still being in that big dark box must be scary even for an inanimate object.