Stars In Her Eyes

Fifteen

When my eyes open again I'm still in the grass. Apparently I dozed off last night and spend the rest of the night here. Outside in the garden, just me and nature.

It's actually quite nice. Since it's still very early the temperature is still mild. A fresh breeze floats through my hair as the first morning sunstrokes peek through the trees.

The sky is a beautiful orange-pinkish shade, it's honestly beautiful. It nearly feels like a painting.

Waking up like this, outside in the garden is quite relaxing. All though I do miss the comfort of my warm bed.

This lawn is not all that comfy and especially not back-friendly. A few bones crack while I stretch out. Time to get into bed.

Now that I'm inside I suddenly get a craving for some tea. While making some I notice the clock saying it's only six am. Well now I'm definitely heading into bed.

Lucky is already waiting for me. The room now smells like berries. After a few sips of tea my eyes get heavy. So I cuddle up into my blanket and give in. A few more hours shut eye won't hurt now, will they?

~~~

The sun is now shining brightly and the temperature has definitely risen. I tuck my hair into two French braids. It's my favorite hairstyle for when it's hot.

While I'm fiddling with my hair my eye falls on one of the cupboards.

There's a bunch of pictures on it including one of mom with a pregnant belly, little four year old me on one side and dad on the other.

I was in fact four when dad left. Mom never fully told me what happened but it wasn't fun. Through the years I found out bits and pieces of what happened but never the full complete story.

"A girl should think well of her father",

mom used to always say.

Does she though? Even when her father leaves her and her mother when they need him most? Mom was pregnant with Amy, meanwhile dad was busy cheating on her with a GUY!

Maybe that's why deep down I'm afraid to actually acknowledge I'm into girls.

What if I tell mom and it'll remind her of what dad did? I don't want to hurt her like that. She doesn't know I know about dad though. After the divorce she was devastated. Since dad owned the house we lived in we had to move out. However mom was right at the edge of getting her maternity leave. She was already exhausted because of all the stress and also eight months pregnant.

Luckily we got to move in with grandma. She's the best. If she hadn't been there mom might have not made it. But she did and we got Amy.

Best Christmas present ever! Not really she was born in November. However I'd like to think she was an early Christmas gift.

So why did she put this picture here? It pisses me off. Dad doesn't deserve to stand here. The way he's smiling so brightly in this picture, acting as if he's such an angel. It makes me wanna punch him in the face so bad.

I take out a pair of scissors and cut him off the picture. Now it's just mom, unborn Amy and little me. The way it should always be. No guy should ever come between us.

Given that it's still bright and sunny I decide to check out the town today. After all, I've been here for nearly a month now and have not yet gotten the chance to actually discover the place.

Still can't believe that storm lasted so long. Is that a Brooklyn thing? Back in NewPort we have never had such an intense storm.

Amy is at a friends house so there is not much else to do anyway. No company for me today. As I'm heading down stairs I hear an unknown voice.

Huh, didn't know we were expecting visitors. Has mom made friends here already? Ouch she's good. Maybe she could teach me some lessons. Well lets see who this stranger might be.

When I enter the living room my heart drops.

A tall handsome guy in his mid thirties is standing in the kitchen. His hand leaning on the counter and moms arms wrapped around his waist. His left hand is wrapped around her.

Why are her arms around him?

Why is she giggling like that?!

Why are their faces so close?!

Who even is he?!

Anger boils inside of me. I don't want any men near her, not if they'll end up hurting her. Of course there is no reason he will hurt her. But there is also no guarantee that he won't. I mean dad hurt her, Sabrina hurt me.

Come to think of it, love really sucks. What's the point of loving someone if they'll end up leaving you in pain anyway?

Maybe that sounds a bit negative but it's what I've so far experienced from it. Maybe it's just my destiny to always get hurt. I'm fine with it as long as mom won't get hurt because of it.

"Oh shit May, I didn't hear you come in",

mom immediately lets go of the guy.

"What's going on?",

my voice sounds shaky.

"This is Mike, he and I met through a dating site a few months ago and well we finally met officially when we moved here",

mom explains.

"Ouch now I get it, you moved here for a stupid guy?!",

my anger is taking over my words.

"What? No! Honey, please don't be mad",

mom approaches me.

Ouch no it's coming, I can feel it; word-vomit! The absolute worst kind, I can just tell.

"Why would you do this?! Didn't dad hurt you enough?! I don't want you to go through that again!"

"Who says I will?"

"Who says you won't?!"

A silence falls as mom and I give each other an intense look. Tears are burning in my eyes and my chest moves up and down rapidly.

"If I may overstep my boundaries, I can assure you I care very deeply about your mom",

the guy, Mike approaches me.

Sure he does, until the next pretty lady comes along.

"You better mean that and don't ever break her heart like dad did or I swear I'll end you",

yup that's the worst possible word-vomit that could've gotten out of my mouth.

Both mom and Mike startle. I can't control what I'm saying. I'm way to overwhelmed with anger and rage. So I just rush off before I say more and make things ever worse.

Though I definitely meant what I said. I've seen mom, I've seen how what dad did effected her and I won't ever let any guy ever do that to her ever again!