if only we had made it

FInny

I still remember every detail of that night with Autumn. 

It is my favorite memory until we can make more and if it were up to me there would be many. many more memories that we would make and share together. 

Everything seemed so simple that night. 

I hadn't heard from Autumn and it has been absolutely dreadful. 

Any chance I get to text her Sylvie ends up needing something.

She had been trying to get me to sleep in her bed but I know how Sylvie is. 

If I say yes to sleeping in her bed she would revert back to her old ways. 

I keep using the excuse that I'm not lying in her bed with her until she remembers everything but she has been adamant about me laying in her bed with her.

It is not that I feel as if I don't trust myself to be in Sylvie's bed it is that I don't trust Sylvie to have me in her bed and simply just lay there and sleep, and yes as hypocritical as it is to say it feels like cheating on Autumn. 

It is now my seventh night sleeping at Sylvie's house and while I haven't texted Autumn part of me is wondering why she hasn't texted me. My phone died about five minutes ago and is currently charging. The anger I felt once I finally had the time and energy to send a call or message to her only to have my phone die the second I was about to press send was about as equal to what I felt when I found out that Jamie had cheated on Autumn with one of her friends none the less. 

Setting my phone down next to the couch yet again not able to turn it on yet I roll onto my back and stare up at the ceiling of Sylvie's living room. I had never noticed that the paint had been popcorned rather than smooth and because of that thought I spiraled into what seemed like an endless thought of how much I didn't notice things surrounding my and Sylvie's relationship because I was too busy thinking about Autumn and our lack of friendship let alone relationship.

Again I fall asleep to the idea of Autumn and I in my head even though the sinking feeling in my gut tells me that something is off with her, or worse with us. 

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 I wake up to the feeling of a hand on my chest and a weight on my stomach as if a dog were sitting on my chest. 

Still barely awake I don't open my eyes, instead, I move my hands to where the weight is and run my palms along the side. It's not the fur of an animal like I expected it though. It's more smooth and soft. 

Like skin. 

I feel my eyebrows dip in confusion, my hands wander around feeling around more. 

I stop when I feel the tickle of hair on my neck and cheek and feel the light pressure of lips being pressed onto mine. 

Shooting up I open my eyes to find Sylvie now half on my lap half on the couch. 

I give her a scowl before fully removing her body from mine and using the bottom of my shirt wiping away any traces of her that may have been left behind. "What do you think you're doing?" I ask her

She smiles a sweet smile that I know is fake because of all the years I have known her Sylvie has not once smiled at me with a sweet smile. She's not once Smiled a real sweet smile at anyone. "Waking you up silly what does it look like?" she keeps the smile on her face

I stand quickly pointing at her. "Stop, stop that." 

This time she frowns. "Stop what Fin?"

"Stop smiling."