if only we had made it

Autumn

When we got home that night the mothers didn't protest when Finny walked right into my house and walked to my bedroom alongside me. He hasn't let me go since I moved across the seat in the back of Aunt Angelina's car and I wasn't complaining.

Finny could hold onto me while he drowned to save himself and I still wouldn't complain. He could squeeze me as tight as he needed cutting off my air flow and I'd cherish the death I'd have within his arms.

We lay in my bed now, we haven't spoken. We have laid here for so long I could hear the birds chirping outside my window, them just waking up from a sleep that I have yet to partake in.

I never minded the silence.

Until now.

I hated Finnys silence and everything that it screamed because, for Finny, the silence was louder than words. He wasn't the type to let something settle and sit in his mind until it took him over, but right now I had a feeling that was exactly what he was doing. If it was intentional I had no clue but I without a doubt knew that because of the event that transpired tonight the reason behind his silence was probably because he couldn't grasp everything that he was feeling.

He hadn't fallen back to sleep after waking up when we got back to the house. The mothers are having a sleepover in my mom's room while Finny and I have one of our own in mine. we were all entirely too exhausted to talk about what happened let alone how we felt about it.

At some point, we just have to realize that what happened, happened and theirs no going back.

From this moment on I swear to myself that I won't let the events of tonight haunt me any more than they did.

I would move on and focus on me and Finny.

What was left of us, that was.

Because with Sylvie in the hospital, things changed.

Our relationship status changed.

Finny was still Sylvie's boyfriend.

Which meant he couldn't mine.

Because somehow no matter what happened in the world Sylvie was centered around it and as unfair as it seemed this was my karma.

It wasn't just mine though. it was yet again something me and Finny shared, cause we had done this together. It wasn't a one-sided decision.

The blankets rustle as Finny moves to get comfortable again.

Much like he had the night before but under much different circumstances.

"What are you thinking about?"

I shake my head not wanting to answer for fear that he would find what I'm feeling and thinking, selfish. We haven't talked so I don't know how he feels about the situation. I could be alone in the hopes of us staying together and figuring out what this means for our relationship. I didn't want to lose Finny over some silly feelings that were going on inside my head.

"Hey," He says, in almost a whisper before pushing himself up and lightly pulling my face in his direction until our eyes connect. "Tell me what's going on in that beautiful brain of yours."

I don't know if it's the soft way he spoke to me or the eager words of him wanting to know how I was feeling even though he was the one in an accident but tears prick my eyes.

My voice cracks when I say "I think we're cursed."

he scrunched his eyes brows shaking his head. "Never, Autumn. We could never be cursed."

I wipe a tear from my cheek and lightly smile. I turn my face away from his because I know if he's looking at me he would see that I don't believe him.

"I wish things were different." He whispers.