this is no longer what it started out as

🖤🖤

self indulgent bc the voices

suicide and self harm

if you're having thoughts like these please call 988 or the self harm hotline

you're loved 🖤

you took out the blades again.

you swiped the freshest one across the skin of your thigh again.

and again.

and again.

you tried to stretch the skin around it so the cut widened, maybe being more impressive.

you chastised yourself for not cutting deep enough. again.

but hey, whatever, it's not like anybody would care. you were ruining your relationship with swiss anyway and his friends told him you were bad for him. maybe he'd finally listen.

you made another slice, again, not deep enough. barely deep at all. you just put the blade away and wrapped a shirt around your thigh so blood didn't drip on your new sheets. swiss was still out with his friends so you had time before you'd move to the couch.

in your mind, every time swiss gave you any look other than neutrality, it was hostile. filled with hate. you were a demon engineered to kill the angels, and swiss was an angel with his perfect golden glow, his perfect golden eyes, his perfect golden self.

everyone that talked to you or urged you to eat or sleep more only wanted to replenish your energy so you could kill the angel and they could catch you and put you away. the voices screamed at you to not touch food and to not sleep because then you'd be guilty.

you heard the door click and you scrambled to the couch. swiss gave you a look. you turned to face the couch back and he sighed and went to sleep.

"goodnight, love," he said softly as he always did. he was trying to trick you.

in the morning he left. another cut, and another and another and another and another.

then you remembered that you're a demon. demon = red and black angel = gold and blue. your veins were blue. you weren't an angel. a blade would make them red. you drove the blade deep and cut your wrist open, then your other wrist.

red.

good.

demonic.

like you.

the door opened.

everything went black.

black world and red blood, fit for a demon.

—-------

your funeral had been the hardest in a while.

at the ministry, most siblings of sin were depressed and ill in the heads and some of them suffered the same fate as yours, but swiss never expected you to fall this hard.

for the week before you'd killed yourself, you were distant.

he thought you hated him.

you failed him.