this is no longer what it started out as

🖤jealousy, jealousy🖤

no ship just a jealous reader

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basically it was a shit day.

you forgot to eat all day and only had a coffee and most of a monster so you got home hangry and binged.

you felt like absolute shit and to add insult to injury you started getting really jealous of your best friend, mist. she was tall and thin with a flat stomach and thin legs and arms and looked good in whatever she wore, which happened to be what you only wished you could wear.

you felt so shitty about it but you were so fucking jealous of her. people liked her, people wanted to be around her. people flocked to her the way you wished they'd flock to you.

mist was so charismatic and pretty and you were neither. you had scars all over your legs and you had an annoying laugh and an ugly smile and crooked teeth and you were fat and had a double chin and had to constantly adjust the way you sat and the way you stood and the way you held yourself just to look relatively ok, something mist never had to do.

you wanted more than anything to be pretty like mist was, you wanted to have the charisma she had. you wanted to be likable like she was. you wished it wasn't so hard for you. you honestly just broke upon seeing mist matching profile pics with the boy you liked, the boy you told her you liked.

you curled up in bed, fighting the urge to relapse because it would only add more of those ugly scars to your body. it would only add more reason for people to hate you.

you wondered what you'd even get out of a relationship with that boy anyway. it wouldn't get far before he'd realize you were just a fatty, scarred up piece of meat. then where would it end? him telling you he wasn't ready for a real relationship? or him telling you blatantly that he didn't want someone like you?

you wished you didn't ruin yourself every time you were sad.

you wished you didn't have reason to be sad.