Angel With A Shotgun

5

3 months had passed since their escape from hell.sams body had healed with the help of Castiel,  but he could do nothing about his mind. He could not erase the memories or help the way Sam constantly scanned his surroundings every 10 seconds, or jumped at every noise. Gabriel could though. When the angel was sat beside him, Sam was able to calm down. He was able to focus on the calming presence and not the fears in his mind. They had finally been able to sleep again. Not without nightmares, but without thrashing and screaming. That didn't mean much though. They still took turns sleeping, Gabriel singing to sooth the creases of fear in Sam's face when he dreamed, and Sam being a presence to remind Gabriel he wasn't alone. They both worked to rebuild the small strands of sanity that they had emerged from hell with, and slowly the world began to make sense again. At least to sam. He ahd gotten used to being back in the bunker, and with the help of Dean and Cas, he had begun to trust what was real and what was not again. It was less and less frequent that he would slide into his own mind, and when he did, he would not be stuck in the vividness of his memories. He could pull himself back out.

Gabriel was proud of sam. He wa happy for him, knowing that it had seemed impossible at one point that he would be able to return to hunting with Dean.

"Just look at you now Sammy. Getting back on the horse again. I'm proud of you"

Gabriel said to sam as he watched the hunter packing his bag to leave for the week with Dean and Cas. It was a simple werewolf case. Dean had assured Gabriel that no demons would be involved. It wa sthe only way that Gabriel wasn't going to fight tooth and nail again to keep Sam off the hunt.

Sam smiled at the short man, a small shy smile reserved for only Gabriel.

"Thanks. Are you sure you will be okay here alone? You can come with us you know."

Sam wasn't so sure about leaving the angel here by himself. He knew Gabriel was doing a lot better than he was, but he still didn't want to leave him alone just yet. If he was forced to be honest, he wasn't sure he was ready to be away from him yet either. Gabriel had such a calming effect on his mind. He chased the memories away and kept them at bay. Even though Gabriel had gotten Cas to promise to watch over Sam as he slept and keep his mind peaceful,  he knew it wasn't going to be the same, so he played off his worries for himself as being worried about the other.

"I will be perfectly fine Sam, and so will you."

He kept his voice light and cheerful, but Sam could see something clouding Gabriel's eyes. He want sure he wanted to leave him alone here, but he didn't have a choice now. He had fought Dean tooth and nail to let him join this hunt, and Dean finally gave in.if he backed out now, he wasn't sure he would be able to convince his brother again.

Sam and Gabriel stood there in silence, both boys searching the others face for signs that this was a bad idea, but neither one giving away how nervous they were. Finally Dean yelled for sam to hurry up of he would be left behind, breaking the trance both boys were in. Gabriel looked away, and Sam saw a Crack In His facade. He did something he hadn't dared to do since the first night he had watched Gabriel sleep. He crossed the room, slowly wrapping his arms around the smaller male. Gabriel froze, not from fear of being touched, bit from the fear of sam letting go.

"It's only one week. Seven days. We will be okay."

Gabriel knew he was talking about the two of them, not him Dean and Cas. He nodded in agreement,  suddenly hugging the hunter back, burning his face in Sam's chest. He just wanted to have the memory of feeling completely safe before he was left alone for a week. Eventually Sam had to pull away, knowing that Dean would take his lateness as an excuse to really leave him behind. He grabbed his bag and walked out the door, following Dean and Cas to the impala. Gabe followed after, watching the three men drive away before shutting himself in the bunker.

Gabriel tried to fight it as he sunk down into Sam's bed. He really did, but the memories were to strong, and without sam here to help him focus or distract him, he succumbed to the fear. His whole body trembled and he didn't bother trying to fight the tears as they fell. His wings materialized,  wrapping them around himself to try and shield the memories away, but of course it didn't work. They were inside his head. And suddenly he wasn't in the bunker anymore, he was back in hell. Back with Asmodeus. Chained down and being abused. He whimpered and flinched at every noise, most of which were made by him, and let the walls that he had built up while focusing on Sam come crashing down. He felt just as hurt and broken as he did when they escaped. He didn't know what to do except wait for sam to come back.

As the hours passed, Gabriel found it harder and harder to feel like he was safe. He had managed to force the memories back down into the vault of his mind and he was trying to distract himself. At first he tried to watch TV. Then he tried to read. He even tried to sleep, but eventually he settled on wrapping himself one of Sam's shirts and his blanket, and huddling I. The corner of the living room where he could see the door to the bunker In case anyone tried to come in. He tried to pretend that the blanket wrapped around him was actually sam holding him, making him feel safe. When it finally worked, Gabriel passed out from exhaustion, curled in the blanket, holding it so tight that it ripped.

The next few days were worse than the first night. Gabriel had started talking to himself as if he was talking to aam, but at some point, 'sam' started talking back.  Gabriel had not been able to bring himself to sleep since that first night he passed out in Sam's blanket. He was now going on 72 hours with no sleep, and his mind was starting to Crack a little. He talked to 'sam' no stop, r
Talking about everything that popped into his head. About how he was scared. And how he didn't know what was real. He had been trying his best ro help sam, that he never really tried to help himself.
"What if it never ends? What if I am like this forever?"

'You will be'

Gabriel let out a half crazed laugh and looked at where 'sam' was sitting next to him.

"Fair enough. At least I have you though."

'You don't have me Gabriel. You are completely alone. I have Dean and Cas. I don't need you. You have no one'

Gabriel shook, the truth of 'sams' words flooding through him. He was alone. He didn't have anyone. And sam didn't need him anymore. A thought popped into his head and before he could clear it 'sam' spoke again.

'Do it.'

"Okay Sam"