Angel With A Shotgun

6

*** I don't normally do individual chapter trigger warnings, but this one needs it. So here is your warning for self-harm and attempting suicide. If you do not want to read that, skip to the next chapter, I promise it will make sense still. It will be briefly mentioned but not in detail.****

Gabriel got up from the couch and walked into the bunkers kitchen.  He looked around briefly before his eyes settled on the knife block. He pulled out one at random, not really caring. He knew Dean kept them all perfectly sharp. He walked back to the room he had shared with sam and looked around. He grabbed the leather jacket that hung on the desk Chair and wrapped it around himself, Inhaling Sam's scent. He picked up the knife again and walked down the hall tobthe bathroom, sliding down the wall to the tiled floor. Gabriel looked up at 'sam' who nodded as he rolled the to long sleeves up. He had a brief thought that maybe he shouldn't do this, but 'sam' interrupted it.

'It's okay Gabriel. This is how you find peace. This is how you get to be free. It will never stop as long as you are alive. You have to end it now, before everyone comes back'

Gabriel nodded, taking a deep breath, letting it out at he slid the knife across his wrist. He winces at the pain, memories of Asmodeus coming back. He gripped the knife harder and made another cut, this one deeper than the first.  Blood pooled around him as he continued.  He saw the scars from Asmodeus torture, teacing over them with the blade, carving fresh marks into his skin. He had a brief thought that he was making a bad decision, but by then the blood loss had become to much and he blacked out.

Pain. That was the first thing to register when he opened his eyes. Pain in his arm. He looked down, seeing the proof of what he had done all around him. Somehow he had forgotten that his grace would heal him, but that wasn't what he was focused on now. He realized that his mind was clear. For the first time since everyone left for the hunt, the fog had lifted. He stood up and examined his arm. The shallow cuts had healed completely,  leaving small scars in their place,  the larger ones had healed to small scabs. Gabriel was grateful that he had not succeeded, as a pang of guilt washed over him. He vowed to never do it again. He would be strong. He would not let Asmodeus take anything else from him.

It was later the next day that it dawned on him though, it wasn't the demons voice that he had heard egging him on, it had been Sam's. Gabriel sighed as he settled into the bed, closing his eyes in hopes of sleeping.

That night was far worse than it had ever been before. He relived every time Asmodeus had touched him. Every time he had made him scream, every time he had given and accepted his fate, just to have something new introduced.  He relived their escape, except in his dream, he had not saved Sam. He had been a coward and fled without the mad, leaving him to the hoards of demons. He heard Sam's screams for help as he flew until he was silent and Gabriel knew he was dead.

Gabriel woke in a panic, reminents of his dream still swirling around him. He rolled out of the bed, hitting the floor hard. His wings flapping wildly around him, knocking books from the shelves and pictures from the wall. He ran, not knowing where he was going until he ended up in the bathroom. The pools if dry blood were still on the floor as well as the knife. Gabriel picked it up, holding it in front of him to feet off his attackers. But of course, they were all in his mind. He screamed to no one, sinking to the floor. He slashed wildly with the knife,  trying to get the images out of his head. He dug deeper than last time, cutting almost to the bone. He didn't stop their. He switched arms, cutting through the leather of Sam's jacked that he was still wearing. Tears fell fast in his panic, he couldn't breathe. He needed to make it stop. His arms were covered in blood but it wasn't good enough. He slashed at his legs, not feeling the bite of the knife as it carved into him. Finally his body had taken enough. He went limp and fell to the floor. Tears still pooling from his eyes as he felt his grace trying to patch up all the damage he ahd done.

"Maybe this will be enough to make it stop."

Gabriel smiled as his eyes slid shut, the world fading out around him. His last thought before he completely faded out of consciousness was that he heard Sam's voice. It was far away, but it was there. Then he was gone.