Shattered Destiny

My Friend

*****
Rays POV

I sit down at my desk going through the mountains of papers. Being a prince is so tiresome.

I hear my door open suddenly, and glance at who entered my study.

Kant... He doesn't look so good.

I get up, and lock the door motioning him to take a seat.

"What can I do for you?" I ask kindly.

He looks down at his hands, with bags under his eyes. Has he slept at all?

"Is your brother well?" I ask worried.

"Oh, yes, he is doing very well. Thank you." He says not looking into my eyes.

I sigh, get up closing the curtains and walk back placing my hand on his.

"Kant, we have been friends since our youth, I owe a lot to you. What's on your mind?" I ask in a whisper.

He sighs moving his hand away crossing his arms.

"I... I am so confused.. about myself.." He says hesitantly.

Uh.. he's not gonna confess he's gay right?

I smile kindly at him. Even if he does, I need to be a true friend.

"What confuses you my friend?" I ask.

He sighs and looks into my eyes. Oh god, please don't confess to me...

"Do you... have you ever had feelings before, or what even are feelings?" He asks quietly.

Calm down, maybe he just means in general...

"Uh," I cough, "Everyone has feelings, what kind of feelings are we talking about?" I ask calmly.

"Feelings... that make your heart race, make you want someone, make you happier than you ever imagined you could be, then break you when it's all gone..." He says voice breaking.

Yes. Every single day.

"Um, yeah. I have experienced that. It's a wild ride." I say laughing.

"What do you do.. with these feelings?" He asks earnestly.

I smile.

"Well, what do you want to do with them?" I ask him.

His face goes dark and he looks down depressed.

"What I want doesn't matter. I could never act on what I wanted." He says clenching his fists.

Ah, because he's a knight.

"My friend, we have one short life. Instead of worrying about bothersome protocals, what's proper and not proper, just live." I tell him.

I'm the prince, I know this better than anyone.

"You... are in a worst place than I am... how do you.. do you act on your feelings?" He asks me timidly.

I think to myself. I mean I sure would if I could, but she's not in her right mind.

"I would, but there are barriers holding me back." I say clenching my fists.

He looks at me smiling.

"Then we are the same, you and I. It's an unbearable hell isn't it?" He asks me with a deep voice.

I close my eyes. Yes, it is.

"However, I have acted on my feelings, a few times, I... can't help myself. I just think overtime... I can overcome this barrier." I say earnestly.

"I feel the same, but it's too late for me. She's gone." He says covering his face with his hands.

Lady Ami?

I get up from my seat and wrap one arm around his shoulder.

"My father ruins everyone's lives. I'm sorry for that. Lady Ami is dearly missed." I say sincerely.

He looks at me, then his face reddens.

Aww, he does like her.

"Um, I don't blame you... and yes she is..." He says looking away.

I laugh and sit back down in my seat.

"When did it start?" I ask curiously.

"I think... when she started..chasing me... I started realizing, what I felt for her was more than friendship, but it could have been teenage hormones too." He says laughing.

Oh wow, Ami is a chaser.

I smile at him and shake my head.

"If it was mearly hormones you wouldn't look like you do." I say reassuring my friend.

He looks at me confused.

"You look like a man who lost the most precious thing in his life, and only just now realizes what that was." I say smiling.

I know this feeling all too well.

He looks down and I see a tear fall.

"She doesn't know me... the real me... not even the fact I have a litte brother..." He sighs "I watched her for as long as I was in her service. I know her better than she probably knows herself...but she doesn't have a clue to who I am.." He says softly.

I laugh.

"I know the feeling my friend, and it never gets easier." I say grabbing us two wine glasses.

Well make that three.

"Ain why are you just standing at the door?" I ask.

The door opens and Ain comes in sheepishly.

"My apologies, I didn't want to intrude on your conversation..." He says looking away.

"Which I am sure you heard most of. Kant, would you feel comfortable if he stays?" I ask.

"Yes, Ain is our friend." He says smiling.

Ain sits down relieved.

"Sorry for over hearing...we all miss Lady Ami dearly." He says quietly.

I pour us three glasses, and we each down the first.

"To Kant. May his heart heal overtime, and may we all support him while he suffers." I say lifting my glass.

Ain smiles lifting his also, and Kant looks at us with tears.

"Thank you my friends." He says raising his own glass.

We drink in silence comfortable in the company of friends.

If we were normal boys, we could be out at a pub drinking whiskey, laughing and carrying on.

I often imagine what a normal life would be like...maybe we all do..