Small

Left Out

I stared out the window as raindrops rolled down the glass. Rain was coming down fast, soaking everything it touched. The grass was wet, the road was wet, and I wasn't allowed to go outside. I didn't venture outside often but it still felt like I was stuck inside.

I walked out of my bedroom and went across the hall to Darren's office. The door wasn't shut but it was closed enough that I couldn't see inside.

I pushed the door in and walked into his office. "Why does it have to rain, Daddy?"

Daddy held up his finger. He was talking to someone on the phone. I didn't know if it was work-related or not.

I walked over to his desk and picked up a black pen. I clicked it once, watching the tip come out of the bottom end. I clicked the pen a few more times, giggling as I did so.

"Aly, do you mind?"

I looked up at Daddy. He was covering part of his phone so he could talk to me and not disrupt the call.

He didn't look happy with me.

I frowned and put the pen down. "Sorry, Daddy."

"Can you go play in your room or something?"

I really didn't want to leave but Daddy seemed like he was in a bad mood and I didn't like being the cause of it. I didn't want him to yell at me anymore so I did what he wanted and left the room.

When I lived with Owen, I was left to myself a lot. Owen never wanted me around unless he wanted something. I usually wanted to be left alone anyway. That meant I had to fend for myself and take care of myself all on my own. I knew how to get a bath, change myself, and make certain foods for myself without needing help from anyone else. I could function, it just wasn't as well as a normal person my age could.

I made my way to the kitchen and opened the fridge. I grabbed the milk out and then found everything else I needed to make myself a bowl of cereal.

I made myself breakfast and then carried it back to my room. I set the bowl down on the nightstand beside my bed and then grabbed a clean diaper.

I changed into clean clothes and tossed my worn diaper in the trash. I put on a warm sweater and pulled the sleeves down to my hands.

I grabbed my cereal and sat down on my bed. Ted was still sitting up against the pillows where I'd left him when I woke up. At least he was keeping me company.

I sat in silence as I ate my breakfast. I wasn't sure how the rest of the day was going to go when Darren was already mad at me. Would he give me the silent treatment? Would he yell at me? Would he hurt me?

No. In the time I'd known Darren, he never hurt me or even tried to. He never gave me any idea that he would get physical with me. I knew, even as upset as he was with me, he wouldn't do that.

I just hated that I upset him. I didn't want him to be mad at me. I didn't like upsetting the one person who I cared about so much.

Once I was done eating, I carried Ted with me and went to my toy chest. I got out several other stuffed animals and set them so they were all facing me. I grabbed a few blocks and spread them out between all the animals. I wanted to make sure they each had one so no one felt left out.

I was glad I had stuffed animals and toys to play with. I didn't have much at Owen's. I felt like I was just existing when I lived with him. I was just a body in that house. That was one of the things I loved most about Darren. He made me feel like I was someone. He took care of me and talked to me and he understood me. He understood that I had limitations and that I couldn't do things like a normal girl my age. He was patient with me, even though I had a tendency to annoy people. I kept telling myself that his yelling at me in his office was just an off moment for him. He wasn't always like that.

I still loved him, even when he was upset with me. I just had to give him some space.

That was just something I wasn't really good at.