Small

Mad At You

By the time Darren came to see me, I was asleep. I'd played with my stuffed animals for a long time, trying my best to keep to myself and be quiet so Darren could work. I tried my best to focus on what my toys were doing and not my thoughts but that was hard. I spent most of my play time just thinking about stuff so of course I was tired.

I curled up with Ted in my arms beside all of my other stuffed animals. I hated that I had a favorite but Ted was my first bear so he got a free pass to being my favorite because he was the original stuffed animal. At least I still played with the other animals.

Darren walked over to me and knelt down by my head. He brushed my hair away from my face. "Baby, you can't sleep on the floor. Let me move you into bed."

I was so tired, I didn't argue with him. He lifted me into his arms and carried me to my bed. He pulled the covers back and laid me down.

I tightened my grip on Ted and rolled onto my opposite side, away from Darren.

"I'll be back to check on you in a bit." Darren tucked me in and headed for the door. He noticed the bowl from my breakfast and grabbed it. He left the door open as he left my room.

I slept through the morning until lunchtime. I didn't think I was that tired but I'd learned over the years that stress made you tired.

When I woke up, I was in my bed. I was covered up with my blankets and Ted was tucked under my arm. I wasn't sure how I got there. Last I could remember, I was playing with my toys and stuffed animals on the floor.

I sat up in bed and ran my fingers through my hair. It was still messy from when I woke up earlier in the day. I needed to brush it but I hated when it hurt. Maybe I needed Evelyn to get all the knots and tangles out for me like she did once before.

I walked over to my dresser and opened the drawer with my diapers inside. I was hoping that I wouldn't need them for much longer. I was fine with using them and needing to be changed but I knew normal people my age didn't need them. If I wanted to be more normal, I needed to stop relying on them.

I wasn't sure how that was going to work but I was willing to try if it meant I could attempt a normal life.

I grabbed a clean diaper and the pack of wipes and sat down on the floor. I changed out of the dirty diaper and into the clean one in just a few short minutes. Over the years, I'd gotten good at changing my own diapers. Knowing what could happen if I didn't do it myself, I learned fast. I didn't always like being independent but that was one area that mattered to me.

I changed into a new outfit, glad to get out of my pajamas. I put on a pair of sweatpants and a nice T-shirt. It made me feel clean.

Before I walked out of my room, I glanced around at the small space. My bed was unmade, toys were still lying on the floor, and I had some dirty clothes sitting beside the basket I usually tossed them into. I needed to clean up but that wasn't on my mind at that moment. I had something else more pressing that I needed to deal with.

Darren was in the kitchen when I walked out. He was standing at the bar, eating a sandwich. He smiled at me when he caught sight of me.

I debated running back to my room and shutting the door behind me. I hated dealing with my problems. Any time I tried to address anything around Owen, he would belittle me and make me feel dumb. I knew Darren wasn't like that but it was hard for me to escape the feeling that it could still happen. Eighteen years of abuse didn't just go away overnight.

"You were tired. I didn't expect to see you sleeping next to all of your toys," He said.

I nodded.

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you still tired? I'm not used to you being so quiet."

"I'm not tired, I'm mad."

He laughed. "Why are you mad? Was Ted not being nice to your other stuffed animals?"

I glowered at him. "I'm mad at you, Daddy."

"Me? Why are you mad at me?"

"You yelled at me."

"When did I yell at you?"

"This morning."

"Aly," He brushed his hands off on his pants and walked over to me. I tried my best not to appear intimidated. I wanted to be strong. "Baby, I didn't mean to yell at you. I just have a lot of work to do and sometimes... sometimes I don't have time for distractions."

"You think I'm a distraction?"

He pursed his lips and a crease formed between his eyebrows. "Don't think of it as a bad thing, Aly. I just have important things to do that require my attention."

"More important than me?" I thought I was supposed to be his number-one priority. Was he starting to get tired of dealing with me? No wonder he yelled at me.

He put his hands on my arms. "Aly, of course you're important. But my job is important, too. If I don't keep my job, and keep doing it well, we won't have any money to pay the bills or eat. And then I can't buy you Christmas presents."

"Christmas presents?"

He nodded. "Yeah, it's common for people to buy Christmas presents for each other."

"I've never gotten any before."

"Really? Well, we're going to have to change that this year."

I started to get excited but then I remembered why I left my room in the first place. I dropped my smile and narrowed my eyes once more. "I'm still mad at you."

Darren dropped his hands from my arms and sighed. "What can I do to make it up to you?"

Right off the bat, I couldn't think of anything that he could do. There had to be something but I didn't know what that was. "Can I think about it?"

"As long as you promise not to be mad at me anymore. I hate the thought of you not wanting to talk to me or be around me."

"We'll see."

"That's not fair."

"Sorry, Daddy," I said with a shrug.