Pretend To Be Mine | Namjin FF ✓

mine to leave

Seokjin:

If there had been pride in Dr. Shay’s eyes during our last session, it was replaced by disappointment now. I don't blame her; I probably look terrible because I've been crying all week after he came to my house.

He's still stalking me, but I'm not angry. He looked so vulnerable, like he would do anything to get me back, and that made me conflicted.

“Are you okay, Seokjin?” she asked, and I sighed. I'm not okay. I don’t think I’ll be okay anytime soon.

“No,” I told her honestly, hoping she could help me.

“What happened?” she asked softly, as she always does.

“He came,” I told her, and she froze, her eyes widening as if she hadn't expected it.

“H-he did?” she asked, and I nodded, my eyes welling up again as I remembered him. He begged me, for God’s sake. I just want to believe him.

“What did he say?” she asked, quickly taking out her notebook to jot down notes.

“He asked for my forgiveness and asked me not to leave him.” He didn't just ask; he begged on his knees with tears in his eyes. And I left him there. I left him on his knees. Oh God, what did I do?

“What did you say?” she asked, her eyes soft with empathy—for him or for me, I couldn't tell.

“I left.” That's what I did. The most horrible thing I could do.

“Why?” she asked, and I stayed silent. Why did I leave? Because I needed to think. Because I was afraid he would lie to me again.

“I-I was afraid,” I said, tears welling up in my eyes. I ducked my head, concentrating on my hands in my lap.

“It's okay to feel afraid. If you still don't want to go back to him, it's okay, Seokjin. It's your choice. No one can force you because you won’t let anyone force you. You’re your own person with your own feelings. If someone hurts you, you have every right to show your emotions however you want. Okay?” she said. I nodded. Yes, I'm a human with feelings, and I did what my mind asked me to do. It hurt my heart like it was ripped in two.

“So now, you’ll tell me what you want. Okay? You have to make a choice for yourself. What do you want?” she said, emphasizing the word "you" repeatedly.

“I want to talk to him. Without crying. Without thinking of the pain. I just want to ask him why he lied to me,” I told her, and she nodded.

“I’ll tell you one thing, Seokjin. No one can save you. Not me, not him. You have to save yourself. It's your choice to make. If you want to talk to him, then do it. If you want to leave him, then do it. Listen to yourself, not me or him,” she said. I opened my mouth, taking a deep breath, the air rushing into my lungs, relaxing me from the jumble of thoughts in my mind.

I closed my eyes, and the first thing that came to my mind was him on his knees, begging and crying.

I stood up and left. She didn’t stop me, and I didn’t stay. I have to save myself; no one else will do it for me.

༘⋆🌷•💭₊˚ෆ

Namjoon:

"I told you to stay away from him, Namjoon. He's my patient, and I warned you for both your sakes, but you didn’t listen,” Dr. Shay said, her anger clear as she blamed me for ruining her progress.

“Well, I can’t stay away,” I replied as calmly as I could. I’ve had enough of their nonsense. I’m not okay, and I’m not here to pretend everything will be fine, because it won’t. I have to get him back, and I will do it myself.