Pretend To Be Mine | Namjin FF ✓

mine to take

Hoseok:

I'm relieved that Seokjin hyung is doing well now. He hasn't had a panic attack since Namjoon last visited him when it rained.

I saw them talking from the window, and it made me happy to see them conversing because Seokjin hyung looked much better. He seemed well enough that I feel comfortable returning to my apartment.

I initially had a bad feeling about Namjoon when he revealed he was involved with the mafia. However, his constancy at coming back for Seokjin hyung showed me a different side of him.

I realized he was the best person for Seokjin hyung. Despite his affiliation, I don't think Namjoon is a bad person. He's a kind-hearted man, which made me question my assumptions. I know now that Namjoon is a good man, but what about Yoongi?

Yoongi also works with Namjoon, so does that mean he's good too? I'm not sure about him. He hasn't spoken to me since the last time he visited Seokjin hyung's house.

He mentioned that there were stories I couldn't bear to hear, that something bad happened which turned people into monsters, and in his case, he lost himself.

I don't fully understand what he meant, nor do I know how to feel when he told me I was the reason he was alive. It's true that I don't like him. He hurt me deeply by getting involved with Jimin and others I cared about. I'm conflicted about him as a person.

"Here, I've tried to make a new dish," my thoughts were interrupted when hyung came and sat next to me with a plate of food in his hands.

I was mindlessly watching a drama, not really following the plot because I wasn't paying attention.

"It's just a simple burger, hyung," I said, taking a bite.

"You're an idiot, Hobi. I've used a new sauce," he frowned, and I grinned, taking another bite. I was so happy to see him doing well.

"It's so good, wow, delicious," I said, closing my eyes and pretending to savor the taste.

"Now, tell me what's going on with you?" he asked, taking a bite of his own burger.

"What's going on with me?" I asked back, baffled. He had been through trauma, or maybe he was still in it, but he was coping well and still noticed something was wrong with me. What did I do to deserve such a good friend in my life?

"With you and Yoongi and Jimin?" he emphasized, and the bite stuck in my throat. I didn't know Seokjin hyung was so observant; he even noticed something was off between Yoongi and me.

"I don't even know myself," I told him, and he raised a brow. I sighed, putting the half-eaten burger back on the tray.

I told him everything, from what had happened in Greece to the last time Yoongi came here. My throat was strained as I tried hard not to cry.

"Oh god, that's even more fucked up than my mind right now," he whispered as soon as I stopped talking.

I sighed. I knew Seokjin hyung was dealing with a lot, and I just gave him more to worry about. Why can't I be a good friend like him?

"You know what? Fuck them both. Use them like they used you," he said, taking an angry bite out of his burger, and I burst out laughing.

He was just speaking out of anger, but the idea made me laugh. It's funny—they used me, and I should use them back. It would be iconic, but I'm not someone who would do that.

"Is that why you don't go to the academy?" he asked, and I nodded, my eyes wandering to the TV.

"That's nonsense, Hobi. You shouldn't leave something you love because of someone else. You're your own person with your own feelings. Make your own choices," he said, and I smiled.