Taylor and Victor

Chapter 32

Taylor

"I didn't see writing as an efficient way to deal with any of my emotional stages."

Her mind is now as unstable as leaves in the changing season. She has distress and joy and hope all at once, and everytime out of wonder, Taylor suddenly feels like she wants to burst up. And the thought of stabilising it could not be any more vague.

"You'll need to wait, it's a long term process to observe," said Victor, in the basketball court after lunch. The team from underneath is practising for their match, and they're sitting far away doing anything but pay attention.

"Long term process isn't my thing." Taylor emphasised. "I'm very impatient."

"You'll need to be, timing isn't always in a rush."

"Or maybe I should quit writing all at once. It doesn't seem to be the right way."

"I didn't believe so."

"Why?"

"Because you might have done it at the wrong time," he said. "Don't try to write all the time, try to write when you're feeling like."

"Will I get better then?"

"You may. Having to write it off your chest feels much better. If you don't want to talk to anyone."

Taylor looked down at the basketball field, thinking aimlessly about his words. She leaned back to her chair and put her head on his shoulder. She keeps on holding his hand and keeps her face frowning.

She thought that if there's a matter which could not be described by words, it was kept inside her chest with an uncertain uptight feeling. Which problem she could resolve but she couldn't. Her textbooks, for instance, were not all fine. They're now filled with catastrophic damage she could not erase. Though they supposed not to be. And now she didn't know how she could lend back to her school their textbook by the end of the year.

Every page, if not inappropriate drawings, scribbled with curses. Fucking bitch, fuck you cunt, get away from him little slut. She didn't takes her time to count all of them. She has to study with them while trying to not be distracted by what has been written, at the same time hiding her book when her teacher walks past her desk.

She was sure someone was sneaking behind her back. Her possessions are always safe and secured when she's around. And now she would be walking around with her backpack everywhere, instead of keeping it in her classroom like she did.

Taylor started to suspect every kid she walked past inside her school.

But today, something worse happened. A petty vile movie of someone whose intent was to rip everything.

PE class was far the worst. She would need to bear through forty five minutes of kids shouting across the running field. Her teacher did nothing more than sit on his very chair and read articles, while making them run round the school field.

When Taylor's waiting for her turn, with her plain white and plain black uniform, she thought about what might be playing with someone in her class. Her sister used to be, but now when she's gone, she wished to have someone she could talk to during these tedious lessons. Certainly, she thought about Mia. As now she turned out not to be as boring as she once thought. And when she did, Taylor started to respect her more due to her sister's prior relationship. She could always trust her sister in her choice of friend. But even if they're easy going, someone Taylor still felt left out when Mia came to talk with her friends whom she knew nothing about.

She shrugged off her thought when her teacher called her up.

February was, maybe, the coldest month, but she barely needed to put on her coat after someone made them run an extra two rounds around her school. So she went back to her class before anyone else who was still on the waiting list for the second time. And with her backpack kept safe inside her classroom, Taylor thought nothing about it. Until she got to her next class, to finally realise the impossible things were not always impossible.