Taylor and Victor

Chapter 25

Taylor

She could never get her lost stuff. Leo promised, but he wasn't capable.

Taylor walks on thin ice around Minh, despite being careless and nonchalant around. If they aren't busy, she'd be grounded for life. Taylor couldn't understand why what she did was horrible, only that Minh isn't pleased.

Even with all her available sources of connecting to the outside world, Taylor isolated herself. She spends time writing letters to delete, reading books to forget. Sometimes hanging her head out the window for fresh air before blocking everything from outside. Coping inside the suffocating, soundproof, boring empty room of hers.

Minh feels better on her last day of holiday break. Taylor could hear her chatting happily with her friends from her room. Sophia would come around, stay on the first floor for a minute or two, stopping by just because.

Sometimes Minh comes upstairs, only to tell her time for meal. Taylor obeyed without a word. She hasn't opened her mouth to say anything, and stopped talking to everyone. At night, she lies on her bed, her mind wandering somewhere else. Something, a spirit she missed, could be beside her, stand watching, or sitting on her desk. She imagined it shaking head in disappointment.

Her father didn't say anything more to her for three days. Taylor didn't bother enough to care. The house's gloomy, at least for her, because her parents could sound so delighted. In the kitchen, in their room, go shopping for groceries together. At home, Taylor does the minimum chores and cooks, then she locks herself inside her room, plugging in her earbuds, playing nothing.

Fourth of January, both of her parents are back to work. She could sneak out at any time, Taylor knows, and nothing is at risk. Though she couldn't find the energy to do so. There's a place right under her throat, stuck, making her eyes heavy. She was afraid she'd break down facing anyone. She'd cry, making oceans of water. So she locked herself inside the house. Being in a complete solitude stage was rather better than bothering someone else.

Sometimes, her phone buzzles with notifications. She peeks at them over her lock screen, counting accounts. The only person she'd care of was probably her teacher's reminders. Messages, emailing her casually, doesn't take pity on her, doesn't nag her. Then she became nonchalant and keeps her phone on silence, to ignore even his messages. The same with doorbells, with knocks and calling from outside. She wants to insert a mute button in her life. Taylor always lying in her bed, buries her face down to the pillow, making her hard to breathe.

Some other time, she thinks about her mother's old country. It makes her brain addled. About everything she observed, known, and everything she thought to be the most beautiful thing ever. And all the things they deserved to be passed down in her family.

She had seen boxes of letters, albums and tapes, compressed pictures. Mark with dates. Her grandparents sent lots when Minh first moved outboard. Gifts, cards, photos, letters,... Her favorite album has a black ink letters written Hanoi, 1975-2000. With some scratches making it fade. Her grandfather, the one she loved the most, made this for his grandchildren to ever miss their hometown. He was who she only remembered through her short memory of him years ago. Their time together counts by moments, but shining enough to remain eternity in her heart. In the album, Taylor saw beautiful, idyllic streets and places. Those old, ancient houses with antique paint colors. Even the storefront sign was beautiful with its own handwriting letters. She could imagine living there. Sometimes, she wondered why her mother never talked about her country.

Minh always said poverty was bad. Even so, Taylor couldn't imagine where they had taken those money for her to study outboard, if not for the love they're giving her. She couldn't tell, if her mother ever loved anything else besides Taylor's twin and herself.

She believed otherwise, she thought what if she could stay there, for the rest of her life.

Sometimes, she takes out a set of cassettes, searching for the titles, which are written in label papers. She asked her mother about the signature of an old letter, lying in the middle. With a paragraph she sure her uncle wrote it. Minh never answered, so she tried to make up words from what she could read.

She found under mom's bookshelf for an old Walkman, all dusty. The newest thing she could find through all those boxes. Taylor inserted her grandpa's cassettes to her mother's Walkman, listening to music in a language she couldn't understand. But she could hear, all the enchanting melodies playing in her ears. With the singer's voice couldn't be any more comfort.

In her parents room, she could find so many more things from when Minh's still in Vietnam, all with dust and faded color. She could be able to stare at them all day. Sometimes, just sometimes, she wondered why Minh could become who she is.

Some other times, Taylor wondered if she could ever talk with him about all of this. She knows letting her family business out is a never acceptable act. But she wants somebody to finally understand. Someone she'd love to. She also understands he should be involved in any mean. There's no reason to bring negative into his life. Taylor only dreams about him, imagining his picture. She's kissing the ring on her neck, wishing to be able to wear it down her finger.

She's lying in her bed, pushing her feelings down. She can't even look to the other side of her room. Un-occasionally, a tear falls down. Taylor wipes it away then continues doing what she has been doing. She wants to kill herself, she always did, making an end to this. But she'd push the thought down along with her feelings. Compress it down like a haunted place no one wants to go to.

Victor

She didn't come to his house on the second of January. He thought of her avoiding him. He started to wonder if she was avoiding him because of what happened, then wishing to take his actions back.

He asked Sam and Mia if they have ever seen her in the next few days. None of them did. He tries to come over Taylor's house to ask her himself, but Victor knows something is not welcoming him. She won't be stopping him for nothing. If maybe, he thought, someone else was the culprit.

He has seen her mother, a woman with her height, a little shorter. With brownish hair he wasn't sure if natural or sunburn.

He saw her, far away when she went back to work. Sam tries to come over and ask her father, but they only know she gets grounded. Unknown until when.

If because something relevant to when he tried to kiss her, he has made himself a fool. Because from now, he couldn't reach out. He messaged her, calling and leaving voicemails. But she never replies, she doesn't even read. They said being left on read was the worst feeling ever, and he couldn't know if she was ever close to her phone. Victor keeps on passing her house, seeing her parents walking in and out, but there has never been her.

At the point where he started to worry, everyone around did. Sam went over to ring the doorbell but to no avail. Every day they stopped by for a minute, calling if she was ever home. But they could not spot even a glimpse of.

He keeps on trying, hoping to spend time with her before end of winter break. He wants to talk to her more clearly and get a sense of what she has been doing all to herself. She could vanish away from the earth so easily when she wanted to, and did it so often. He started longing for her more standing outside of her window.

Victor waits for her, until he no longer can.