Lost Ecstasy(Being Edited!!)

Chapter 14

Kristen's POV

I couldn't explain this new sensation I was experiencing. Lately my heart just leapt for joy for no reason, I'd feel my lips curling up to the corners, my whole being just wanting to jump and scream. Sometimes when I was walking on the street I'd run and laugh like a maniac, or whenever I was on my bed I'd smile so much that my face would hurt and I knew it was all because of her. When I got home, my dad seemed to welcome me with a cheerful attitude and I was so surprised. We hadn't had any issues ever since and I felt so peaceful and calm. Sometimes I'd just go out to admire nature, something I hadn't done in a very long time. I'd just stand and close my eyes, inhaling the air letting it get all the way into my lungs before exhaling out. The serenity I felt was undeniable, the cool breeze blowing on my face, the birds chirping away in such beautiful tunes and the leaves seemed to whistle along with them in harmony. Everything felt so perfect and finally in place. I felt so fresh and dare I say it, alive.

I'd completely forgotten about the rest of the world and everything I once knew or believed in. Every evening I'd chat Lucy up or call her. She always found something new to engage me in, her brightness seemed to have rubbed off on me. I missed hearing her laugh so much, it always made me smile and just stare at her in awe. Then one night, I just blew it. I didn't understand myself anymore, I couldn't comprehend anything at all.

That night she was engaging me in the latest girl gossip in college, she hadn't yet left because she still had some things to finish up in the student union. Alex was the only person she really related with and I felt obliged to keep her company after what happened but along the way I really wanted to be a bit closer to her. So that night, she was telling me about how Emily had a fight with some girl over her boyfriend. I just nodded and spoke up occasionally when I needed to. I wasn't really paying attention though, I just wanted her company.

"So anything new happening to you lately?", I shook my head at her question.
"Oh well I uh...I've got a question for you. I don't know it my seem a bit personal though". Her voice seemed to falter and suddenly sound small, her eyes darting around trying to study my expression. I furrowed my brows together and gave her a confused look.
"Ask away", I replied my voice sounding calm. She cleared her throat and adjusted her self to sit up. She stayed quiet for a while no doubt trying to find the best way to throw the question subtly.
"Your mother......what was she like?", her voice was so low and it's texture sounded so soft. We both stayed silent for a while just staring at each other.
"It's okay if you don't want to answer it, I'm sorry...I shouldn't have..",

"It's fine". I said, my voice sounded a bit husky and low. My mind darted back to the past. My mother? What was she like? There just weren't enough words to describe her. She was just perfect and I don't just mean like perfect, I mean she was over the top perfect. I straightened my self up and rubbed my temple as I puffed out a breath.
" She was...she was the most wonderful person I'd ever known. My mom was just THE best. I just can't find the right words to describe her personality. She was so kind, generous to a fault, I mean she was ready to give up her last cash on her to someone she saw in need. She was smart, funny, gorgeous.... she was just everything", I said reliving the fun moments I used to have with my mom before she passed away. Lucy was just smiling so widely, she couldn't say anything. She just stared at me as I relished the past.

Suddenly reality dawned on me. What was I doing? I'd completely forgotten why my mother ended the way she did. She let emotions rule her and I was about falling for the trap. I laughed in my head, I'm so stupid, I thought. I looked back at Lucy and she had a small frown on her face.
"Kristen....is everything okay?", her voice was laced with concern. I felt a mixture of guilt, hurt and anger. I was angry at myself, I was angry at her and I couldn't really comprehend why. Was it because I'd almost let myself get swayed away by the feeling of ludicrous emotions? Or because Lucy was the medium of that?

"Don't ever call or try to talk me again". My voice sounded so cold, she gave me a confused look and was about to say something before I hung up. I felt a slight pang of pain in my heart as I dropped the phone.

I was so confused. I didn't understand anything anymore, I didn't understand myself. What was I doing? Why was I doing this? I knew what I was feeling but I still chose to deny it and all because of my past?
"It's the right thing to do", I whispered reassuring myself.
"It's for the best..... it's what you love the most that destroys you",
"It's not real, you're just thinking it's real". I kept saying to myself but deep down, a part of me didn't believe it anymore.

My thoughts were interrupted by my dad who came in.
"Kristen? I'd like to talk to you". I jerked up and quickly sat up. I swallowed and nodded for him to come in. He walked in slowly and sat across where I was.

I took in a deep breath and tried to calm myself. I didn't smell any alcohol so he was most likely in his senses. I calmed down a bit.

"So uh, I'm just going to make this quick".

"It's been a long time and I mean a really long time since your mother passed away....may her lovely soul rest in peace", I gritted my teeth and tried to compose myself.

"And ever since then things have changed quite a lot. I mean you got a scholarship and you made it to college, getting good grades and all. I'm sure she'd be proud", his voice sounded so gutteral. I resisted the urge to punch him in the face.

"Kristen...I think it's time we moved on from our past hurt. That's why I called you to come back home", I scoffed inwardly. Did he call his hell hole a home? And what did he mean by moving on?

"What do you mean?", I pressed on.

"What I mean is.... I'm getting remarried soon and I want you to accept it. We can't keep on dwelling on the past, your mother's gone for good and we need to acknowledge that". I felt my heart sink, my eyes widened in shock. I stood up swiftly and wanted to yell at him, to punch him till I knocked his lights out. But I just couldn't, I just couldn't.

I punched the wall in frustration and turned back to look at him. He just sat there quietly as I glared at him murderously. How dare he?! He wanted to move on by remarrying?! What a fucking asshole!

"Glad you're okay with it son. I'm getting married in a few weeks and you'll get to know your new mother soon", he said softly as he patted my shoulder before he left my room. I screamed at the top of my lungs as I dropped to my knees, a tear sliding down the corner of my eye.