black swan || hyunjin

twenty

"AERA! WHERE ON EARTH HAVE YOU BEEN?!?"

I stand stiffly and watch as my mother screams into my face, literal fumes rising from her head.

"I was with a friend."

By the look on my mums face, I know she knows I was with Heeseung.
"Why didn't you bother to tell me where you were?" She strains, trying to contain her anger.

I can't remember if I ever told my mum I had a boyfriend, so I just stare at her guiltily whilst trying to think of an excuse.

"I forgot..I'm sorry."

Oh my god. I hate myself.
I forgot?? What a lame excuse. Wow, you idiot, Aera.

"You forgot?? Is that your reasoning?" My mum raises her voice a little more at me as she reaches to grab my phone that is resting lightly in my hands. "This will be going..along with all your devices. You are not to go out anywhere without my permission. Now get upstairs out of my sight!"

Disappointed in myself, I take myself up the rustic wooden staircase, my steps heavy with guilt and frustration.

-

The noise of a small, feral sounding dog pierces my ears as I rise up out of my bed. I'm pretty sure I slept in, as I can't hear as many cars as i normally do in the morning due to the work rush.

I reach to grab my phone which is usually on my bedside cabinet charging, but it isn't there. It takes me a while to remember that I now have no phone until my mother decides that she's not angry anymore.

The thought of that motivates me for some reason. I feel like starting my healthy-girl fitness lifestyle. The fact that I have no source of communication anymore might actually be a good thing for me. I could get all my chores done, go for walks and runs more often, and I'll be more connected with nature and the world around me!

I dress myself into some warm-ish workout gear, speedily do my hair into a high ponytail, and I walk out of the door. The first thing I notice when I step outside is that the pavements are starting to grow little patches of ice from where the rainwater had once been. It's crazy, how people are always so absorbed in their phones that they don't even realise what beauty we are living in (It's not even been 24 hours and I'm already acting as if I have never touched a phone before).

As I enter the main street, I decide to take myself over to that cafe Hyunjin and I went into once. I really enjoyed that place the last time.

Getting closer to the shop, I notice two people sitting at the window, talking and laughing together. They look like a couple. All of a sudden, I'm reminded of Heeseung, which makes me feel slightly uneasy for some reason.

The closer I get to this cafe, the more I stare at this couple, and the more I realise that the man sitting there looks just like someone I know.

Hyunjin and some girl are sitting in the window together, and the girl seems to be laughing at something he said. They are both wrapped up in warm, wintery clothes, and honestly they look like a perfect couple. But for some reason this sight makes my heart sink down into my stomach. I seriously have no idea why I feel like this, it's not like we're dating or anything, and I've only felt this way once before when I saw my year 9 crush kissing the most popular girl in school, Esther. Gosh darn you, Esther.

I stop in my tracks, staring blankly at the two. I don't think I want to go inside anymore.

-

I haven't returned back to my house for the whole day. I'm unsure of the time but it feels like i've been out for ages. It's almost pitch black now, and I am walking up and down the streets of Seoul aimlessly on an empty stomach, although my mind is flooded with thoughts. When am I going back home? Do I even want to go back home? Who was that girl Hyunjin was with?

I am so lost in thought, that I randomly find myself walking up a hill. I'm not entirely sure why, but I carry on with my voyage. I'll probably rest up here.

The hill overlooks the whole town, it's beautiful. There isn't a lot up on this mound, but a rather large tree that stands all by itself in the dark, looking onto the urbanised, cramped buildings.

I bring myself over to the tree, sitting comfortably just under it, which releases so much tension from my legs that I get instantly sleepy. I watch the tiny little citizens scurry about around the town like an army of ants, all going and doing their own thing. My eyelids start to get heavier as I watch over the townspeople like a god, and I feel myself slowly drifting off to sleep.

I really hope my mum doesn't freak out that I'm not home. It's not even that I'm scared she will take another of my possessions, but more like how badly I'm going to get yelled at when I get home. But, none of that matters now, because I am for sure going to have the best sleep ever up here on this hill and nothing can stop me.

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hi guys i am so sorry i haven't been updating for so long i've just been really busy and lost motivation but yes i will try my best to update more frequently