Unplanned Paternity

5

Five years old

A blonde child huddled under the stairs, waiting with bated breath, mentally counting down the seconds. He had to re-start twice because he lost his place, and so was a good thirty seconds off when –

Crash! BANG! SPLATTER! CRACK-tinkle-tinkle. Crackle! SWOOSH!

There was a long, intense pause. Then:

"NARUTO!"

The child flinched, his grin unwavering. Whoo, Daddy sounded angry. This one must've been good.

"Naruto! Get out here!"

Naruto's smile slipped a bit. Um, okay, Daddy really was mad. Whoops.

See, this was the crucial downfall of each of Naruto's plots. He always forgot that there would be consequences for his... 'experiments'.

"Hatake Naruto! I'm going to give you a ten-second immunity! If you're not out here in that time, you will be punished for hiding from me!"

Okay, Daddy was still screaming. The only time Daddy yelled was when he was world-endingly mad. Time to do as he was told. Naruto quickly squirmed out of his hiding-place and trotted to where he could hear his father counting down.

He found him in the hallway, beside the door leading into the kitchen. His chest was smeared with blue paint, some of which had been blackened with a fire, and was glaring something awful with one eye as water trickled from his hair down his bare back – he'd just gotten out of the shower, and was only half-dressed.

Naruto winced, cringing away from the furious expression on his father's bared face.

"Um... I'm sorry?" he said tentatively. Kakashi pointed one hand at the open doorway, and Naruto took the cue to look.

There were blue paint and glass shards everywhere, and black fire-marks dotted liberally throughout the kitchen, and water pooling on every surface.

"What," Kakashi said, his voice shaking just a little as he tried to reign in the emotions warring inside him and remember that it was a five year old who had done this. Who knew someone so small could cause so much damage? "Did you hope to accomplish by putting paint in the coffee machine, and then switching the machine on?"

Naruto looked away and scuffed the floor with one bare foot.

"Well, I found the paint, and I was wondering if making it hot'd make it dry, and so I thought I c'ld put it in the coffee... maker... It was a s'periment!"

Kakashi closed his eye. An experiment. Of course.

This child would be the death of him. But oh, what a way to go.

"Naruto, remember what I told you about doing experiments? What were the rules I gave you?"

Naruto bit his lip. "Uh... I have to tell you, Daddy, an' you hafta say it's okay, and... um... not inside the house?"

"Right." Kakashi felt himself calming down and tried to think rationally. No one had gotten hurt, although now he had a trashed kitchen and a blue, highly ticked pug dog to track down. Naruto hadn't meant any harm. Nevertheless, he had broken the rules. Rules his father had lain down to protect him and the people and things around him – such as Pakkun and his poor kitchen. "You've broken all three of those rules, Naruto, and so you are going to have to be punished."

God, how he hated those big blue eyes. Stupid, stupid blue eyes staring at him with such remorse and guilt, silently asking for mercy. Kakashi ruthlessly squashed any thoughts of going easy on the brat.

"No allowance for a month," he decided – since his fifth birthday, Naruto had been receiving a small amount of pocket money every week to spend however he wished, in a bid from his father to teach him how to handle and appreciate money. "And bed an hour early for two weeks. And you can go run laps in the yard for as long as it takes me to clean up this mess. Do you understand?"