James x Reader | Pokemon | - | REWRITE |

Enigmatic Tantrum

Once you had gotten home, James---

Once you had gotten to Jessie's house, James changed out of his silly, colorful little getup and ranted about Team Rocket, complaining about the member at the store before switching to more broad accusations and grudges.

You sat on James' bed, yellow bottle in hand, staring at it like how a sick child would stare at a shot of medicine in their hand, knowing they had to drink it at some point but it would not be now. Just building up the courage...

But the difference between those two things was that medicine was tested and approved, and you would be able to drink the medicine knowing it would help your symptoms...but this was just a gamble, a pathetic little risk you wouldn't have to take if all of this hadn't happened to you. If nothing had happened, you wouldn't have even been ill at all!

James watched you with tired eyes. "I'm tempted to just drink it myself to show you how much of a baby you're being."

"You drink it then." You smiled. "If you're not a baby like me, baby."

"If my payment to not drinking it is pet names, I'll gladly refrain."

"What an excuse."

"You're eyes are red and watery. Almost as if you're going to begin crying at any moment...similar to a small child, don't you think?"

You frowned. "My eyes have been red and watery for two days. I should be acting upset! Maybe I will cry! And you'd have to stand and watch me so you don't look weak. Would that make me feel better? Is that why you're taunting me? You want me to break? You want me to cry and you want me to watch you do nothing?"

James stared. "Dramatic much? Was that supposed to get a reaction out of me?"

You put the antidote on the nightstand and sniffled, looking down. The sickness was affecting you more now, you felt moody. The type where you knew your emotions would be irrational, but you couldn't stand to not act on them. You'd feel disconnected and watch as you'd spend a day to regret later.

So mentally, you were a bit prepared for this to happen. But physically? Prepared for nothing. Weak. Miserable. Pathetic.

The edges of your eyes dampened and you looked down. It would be good to have a little emotion to keep James feeling bad about himself---and you loved the opportunity, how he wasn't fully immune to it like Jessie was. It gave you some false sense of hope, and even more than that it gave you pride. But you didn't mean to cry. Now you just felt stupid. This was great, but...unplanned. This was real, this was vulnerable, and it wasn't supposed to be like that at all! You had to be the most in control you could be, and if you let this vulnerability get the best of you, you'd just be pulled into this trap with no escape like Jessie wanted!

And even now you found yourself differentiating Jessie and James, as if they weren't both equally as bad. They were both bad. They were both bad. They were both bad.

James quickly kneeled down and put a hand on your shoulder, and in this moment you hated him the most. You wanted to kick and scream at him, to act like the small child he compared you to, to cry and cry and cry and eventually sleep still and alone, curled up and not listening to anything or anyone.

But you just sat there, looking down with a sort of dull feeling, disconnected from the tears slipping down your uglied, sickened face.

You told yourself to not look up until you had collected yourself. One look of true vulnerability was all James needed to feel good about himself. And you would not let him feel accomplished.

But the moodiness, the sickness...you watched your peripherals shift as you lifted your heavy head to meet James' gaze.

And he looked...concerned. And even a bit vulnerable himself.

No, you thought, just a sliver of acting to get you to grasp onto someone who didn't exist.

And grasp onto him you did, quite literally. How stupid! Now you were only angry at yourself, quite in a storm of rage as your thoughts went around in whirlwinds. You could feel them surfacing, but your sickness had blurred them to just feelings. Hate, loathing, you hated yourself for this, despised yourself for this...

That was inside. But the outside you had simple thoughts. It was nice hugging him. You had wanted to for a while.

No you hadn't! No you hadn't no you had NOT!  Never in a million years would you be okay laying a hand on a selfish criminal such as him if it wasn't to push them away! Push him away!

You rested your heavy head on his shoulder, letting the tears slip farther down. You smiled.

But inside the festering feelings woke up like a mass of maggots turning into flies. This was a victory for him, you knew. You wanted to be stronger than this. You wanted to be immune to this corruption, this sick trick to turn you into a slave like Jessie---like they ALL wanted...

And you cried, silently. Loud in your head but silent in the room. His room. Your room. Jessie's house. Your home.

You could feel James smiling from his tone. "Guess you got a reaction out of me."

You cried. Happy because everything seemed right. Angry because everything was going wrong. Angry because you were happy. Tired because you had been angry for so long. Angry because you were tired, and now you had fallen asleep on his shoulder.

So stupid!