katharsis

- fifth rule -

Life is about making decisions.

My story with Andrew is both the most beautiful love/friendship story you will ever hear and the most heartbreaking one.

See, it did take me weeks to become his friend, but we became close in the span of 3 days. And those three days were amazing.

I won't give all the details about what happened during that time, but we quickly agreed that him and I would be boyfriends. We were boyfriends as a joke, though, because even though we truly loved each other, it was never romantic feelings.

Andrew and I had everything in common. Because of my autistic ass, I had more knowledge than him, and that's why he quickly became my apprentice. I started making him discover things, life.

I felt as if I had to be better than him. I wasn't competitive or anything of the sort. The issue was that he meant so much to me. He was my hero, and I always saw him as out of my league. I thought he would leave me if I had nothing to give.
He is amazing, and I was nothing.

Which is quite ironic considering what I did years after.

He was my first time in a lot of things, and I was his first time for a lot of other things.

We truly were one, and if we weren't, it's because we were each other one's. In other words, he was the one and only for me.

I told him about my whole life, about the families, about Swan. I think he didn't register at first because some time later, he would yell,'You love your brother!' in a semi-accusatory voice.

I didn't love my brother since I didn't have a brother. I happened to love the son of 2 people who took me in their family. He never let that pass, but he was very supportive, assuring me that Swan loves me back.

It took a break-up (on his part) for him to tell me his whole backstory. By the end of it, I was crying. No one should go through what he went through, and I vowed myself to never let that guy down.

We had a strong bond. I could feel that I was the only one he truly trusted. The only one.

But I was not in the right mind myself. Without going into details, we were two teenage guys battling years of depression and vibing with our suicide ideation.

He showed me his texts and his scars, and I showed him mine.

And one fateful day, I asked him if he would kill himself with me. He agreed, and we tried before backing out. It was not the last time we would try, but it was the real beginning of how we would act together afterwards.

Yes, after this unfortunate event, I started to tell him everything about me, to show him everything about me down to my naked body. And Andrew, this oh so quiet guy that I had to drag by the ass to open up, started to tell me everything about him too.

I had met my family.

Drew was my everything.