katharsis

- tenth rule -

Life is all about understanding.

    This event marked the end of my fostering life.

No one knew about it since I didn't want to disturb my loved ones with everything while I was so hostile to them.

By the end of August, I decided to talk to Drew. He was quiet and didn't want to tell me things. I realised that I had missed 5 months of his life. I didn't know what was happening with him and how to talk to him consequently.

What pained me the most was that he didn't want to tell me anything. Did I lose his trust ? Or was he too broken to talk to me ? I don't know.

To this day, he never complained about that time, never told me how much of an asshole I was. And it hurts. Maybe he forgave me fast, maybe I was so bad he didn't even want my apologies.

I told him everything that happened, and he was as supportive as he could. Still caring and sweet to me. It was my Andrew.

The very next day, I talked things out with Swan.

I explained to him that I didn't want his family to get involved, nor did I want to lose my foster dad even if I was abused. I was terrified of having to go back into the system. I was 17, and I had to wait 8 months before turning 18. I had a plan on moving out with Swan or with Gregory the second I turned 18.

He apologised for not seeing my point, and I apologised because I saw his point, but I was too self-centered. Then I told him what happened with my dad and the foster parent and my plans for the future.

One of which was to move in New York.

And I should have told that to Drew. But I didn't.

Anyway. I was free of the fostering, and I gained back the people I loved.
Some weeks later, I learned that Drew was single since July and that it was rough on him for the first weeks. He told me he had problems with his family because of his ex-girlfriend.

I hated myself for not being there for him during that time.
But again, I was not responsible for his well-being either. It was a tricky situation where I had to take care of myself first, even if it meant letting go of the one I love the most.

      11th grade started. I could feel Drew change. At first, when I met him, he was shy and anti-social, as I told you before. But when he got back to school in 2020 he started to talk to almost everyone, still being a cold motherfucker to people but at least he would talk, he would stand up for himself if he felt in danger or shit.

I was proud of him. We started to talk more, to grow together along with Swan.

I was starting to like life.