katharsis

- ninth rule -

Life is all about patience.

June to July 2020 was eventful.
Obviously, I told Swan about the foster dad and the abuse I suffered after refusing to be his son.

The problem was that he told his parents about it, who wanted to sue the man, or report him to the social services, which I didn't want to. It led us to ugly arguments, all of them driving me crazy and so fucking restless.

It was a tough couple of months for everyone. I remember lashing out on Drew the most. I would only talk to him when I was angry and ignore his calls and messages.

I was a bad friend, and I knew it. But how could I have come back to him after doing all that ? I was stuck in a loop of fear and shame.

In fact, I had no one at that time. Neither Swan nor I was ready to apologise, I couldn't face Drew, and I had no other friends.

I was in a tricky situation.

Eventually, thanks to my boyfriend giving me a phone after returning <home>, I had the chance of contacting my dad.

We still weren't the best buddies, but I tried to let him in. I did my best. He wasn't the greatest man out there. He was a bit conservative and an asshole, we would argue sometimes. But he is my dad, and yes, he wasn't there for me, but I could feel his love and pride.

Even though I didn't want to tell him everything that was going on in my life, I could escape with him. He told me about my mom, about our family.

It was my escape from reality.

What happened later was awful, though.

Weeks later, let's say around the beginning of August, everything was kind of stable. Not in the way I wanted it, but at least nothing was disturbing my calm.

Andrew and I didn't talk at all, nor Swan and I.

With the foster dad, it was civil. At least, that's what I thought until he started a war with my father.

He called the police on him, saying that he was forcing me to see him and that he was trying to take me back from the foster system.

Not only was it a shitty move that made me cry and have suicidal thoughts (I have a really weak mind), but it did nothing to my father and I. Weeks later, I would move in my father's apartment.