Love me not

6. Floating feelings

After that conversation and after having lunch with his family, Colin headed back home. All Anthony told him felt like a lightning strike from the the sky, and he was overthinking the entire trip home. How could he not have known, or even recognized, that Penelope loved him? Was she so good at masking that, or was he really that blind?

Since they practically grew up together, he never thought of her as anything more than a friend. How could he perceive her differently? He reflected on how much he enjoyed being with her, their long talks, and the way she would chuckle at his slightly off-color remarks. Even though he tormented her every day, she remained warm and caring. In addition to being clever and the best friend anyone could ask for, she constantly challanged him, making him become a better man. She would always encourage him to travel and explore the world, before settling down.

He recollects the tears she shed when he asked her cousin Marina to marry him. She was unaware that he had witnessed her sobbing in her family garden following the proposal, but he had, and he was heartbroken to see her in such agony, even though at the time he did not understand why she was going through it. She was heartbroken and loved him back then, as he now knows and comprehends. She was not masking her feelings, he was just so blind and never saw it.

He reminisced about their wedding day, when she walked down the aisle wearing a flawless white dress. At the time, he thought she was beautiful, but his feelings of resentment at having to get married overcame all thouse beautiful thoughts. He was not angry he had to marry her, he was angry with the idea of marrying so young, hat he had some time to reflect, he was relieved it was her and not some disloyal lady like Cressida Cowper or Marina Thompson.

He stormed out of the carrige and into the house as it came to a stop. He encountered Rae as he strolled along the long entrance holloway.

Colin: '' Where is my wife?'' 

Rae: ''Miss Penelope is having tea with Lady Fetherington in the drawing room." the maid informed him and his expression became solemn and his brows furrowed.

Colin: ''Please stop calling my wife Miss Penelope; she is actually Mrs. Bridgerton. Tell every employee to refer to her in that way going forward.''

Rae: ''Obviously, Mr. Bridgerton. I apologize.'' She averted her eyes and turned to leave.

Colin proceeded up the corridor until he arrived at the drawing room's closed door. Without warning, he opened it and went into that room, where he discovered Penelope laughing out loud while sitting with her mother. The picture was difficult to accept because Portia Featherington was never an amusing or entertaining person or even a loving mother to Penelope. She appeared a little unpleasant and ridiculous.

Portia: "Mr. Bridgerton, it's great to see you again," Portia said as soon as she saw him walk into the room.

Colin: '' Lady Featherington! '' he intended that as a greeting, as he wasn't particularly happy to see her. 

Penelope stood up and approched her mother that was already on her feet in front of Colin.

Penelope: '' Mamma, would you like to go see the garden now?'' inquired Penelope without giving any attention to Colin.

Portia: "Perhaps tomorrow, my love. It is now time for me to go.''

After giving her daughter a firm hug and politely greeting Colin, she exited the room, leaving Penelope and Colin by themselves. Once more, they were in close proximity to one another, exchanging minimal words and a great deal of tension. Colin could not recognize the woman who was standing in front of him. Ever since his return, he has been unable to identify his Pen.

Her physical appearance changed, that was obvious and hard to ignore. If she was beautiful before, now she was breathtaking. Her blue dress fit her curves so perfectly, and those beautiful red curls fell down on her shoulders and some on her breast. Colin recognized that his ideas concerning Penelope's body were not pure and he caught himself having those thoughts even in the past when they were not married. He eyes, thought, were blank, he could read nothing in them any longer.