Love me not

7. Tell me you can love me again

Penelope tried everything in the weeks that followed to stay away from Colin, expecting that eventually he will depart again and leave her alone. She knew better than to fall for him once more and had zero faith in him.

Colin, on his side, was more convinced than ever that he must make things right with Penelope, but he did not know where to begin. Penelope tried her hardest to avoid being alone with him after their chat in the drawing room. She also spent more time outside the house and typically ate dinner in her room at night.

That's how they spent the next two weeks; Colin wanting to be with her, and she attempting to avoid him at all costs. She would simply leave him to talk by himself if he tried to strike up a conversation. He decided to write her notes, though he wasn't sure if she would read them. He sent her flowers in addition to the notes. He didn't know if she read his notes or burned them like she did with his letters, or if she simply threw the flowers away, but he wasn't going to stop.

He wanted to court her, he wanted to do the right thing, the thing he should have done years ago when she made her debut in society, but because he was immature and inexperienced, he failed to recognize that the proper lady for him had been there in front of him all along. He flirted, danced, and sought out other women; the attention he received made him feel wanted, but it never gave him a sense of significance or visibility. Every single one of those women was genuinely seeking a husband and treated him with the same respect as any other eligible gentleman.

Penelope was the one who gave him a sense of being seen and understood. Every time he was with her, he had that cozy sensation as like he belonged there. She could lighten up any conversation they had, from the simplest to the most serious, because she was so witty and opinionated. She was the one who always made him feel better and encouraged him to pursue his own goals in life. She even encourged him to travel.

He was sitting in his carrige, staring at his wife, replaying all those chats in his head. They were on their way back from the Bridgerton residence. Penelope, who loved the Bridgertons dearly, accepted their invitation to dinner even though she was not excited about spending time with Colin.

Colin: '' Have you enjoyed the evening ?" asks Colin breaking the silence.

Penelope: "I did, it's always a pleasure to be around your family," she said, avoiding eye contact

Colin: '' They are also your family. I think they are more your family than they are mine.'' he said with a rather disappointed tone.

Penelope: ''They will always be your family, Colin, no matter what,'' Penelope said, staring at him.

Colin: '' Well, yes, of course, but some of my sibilings seem rather crossed with me. Hyacinth did not even want to show me her paintings and Eloise...well, I was afraid she will stab me with a knife at the dinner table.''

With a chuckle, Penelope expressed her disapproval of his statement.

Penelope: '' They have unique personalities, but still, they love you.''

Colin: '' Do you? '' he questioned without thinking, noticing her perplexed expression. "Love me, I mean!"

Penelope lowered her gaze and remained silent. The carrige drew to a halt and Penelope got up and practically rushed out of the carrige and into the house. Colin chased her through the house. He decided, they will talk that night, whether she liked it or not. Two weeks of silence is enough and if they continue like that, hey will never find a solution to their issues.

He caught up with her but she had no intention to stop, the practically looked like the dog chasing a cat.

Colin: '' Penelope, we are not done talking!'' called to her from behind and she turned her head to look at him without stopping from walking.

Penelope: '' I am! Good night, Mr. Bridgerton! ''

He could have grabbed her arm and force her to stop, but he didn't want to come across as aggressive in any way.

Colin: '' Stop! '' he demanded in a raised voice and both Penelope and he maid, who was by her side since they arrived stopped and turned to face him, '' Rae, please leave us alone, you can go sleep, my wife won't need you tonight. You are all dismissed for tonight. '' said reffering also to the other staff members present.

After giving Penelope a quick glance, Rae and the other staff departed, leaving Colin and Penelope alone together in the middle of the corridor.

Penelope: '' You are insane!'' stated and turned on his heels leaving him behind.

Colin: "This whole situation is insane," he remarked, trailing behind her as she began to ascend the steps. "How can I reconcile with you if you won't listen?"

Penelope: '' I do not want to reconcile.'' said as she reached the top of the stairs, '' I want you to leave me alone!''

Colin: '' That is not an option.'' he murmured, following her until she stopped in front of her bedroom and the she turned around to face him.

Penelope: '' Then leave! I am sure you miss traveling and I was much better on my own.'' she opened the door and walked in her room leaving him behind.

The words struck a deep wound in Colin's heart, but he refused to back down. He carefully pushed the door that was not competlly shut yet and trailed behind her into the room. Penelope gave him a shaken, distressed look.

Penelope: '' Get out!'' she exclaimed, breathing heavily.

Although Colin knew she didn't feel comfortable having him there, he did not care in that moment. He walked around the space, scrutinizing each change she had made. She placed a mirror in the room's corner and a desk in front of the window. She turned the light blue hue into green.

Noticing that she had two of the bouquets he had sent by her desk and one on the nightstand beside the bed, he also grinned to himself, recognizing that she had kept them, unlike what he had assumed.

Colin: ''Have I mentioned how much I appreciate the improvements you made to the house?" questionned looking at her who was still by the door, '' Are you going to answer what I asked you in the carrige?''

Penelope: '' I already told you weeks ago, I do not wish to repete myself.''

Colin: '' I see you kept the flowers.'' pointed with his head.

Penelope: '' I was not able to throw them away, they are lovely.'' said in a soft voice.

Colin: '' Have you read my notes as well?''

Penelope: '' I did! '' she moved forward, '' I read your notes, I kept your flowers, I answered your question, now, please, leave.'' She said, growing impatient.

Colin: '' Pen.. '' he went close to her and grabbed her hands, '' I meant everything I said two weeks ago and I meant everything I wrote in those notes. I was an imbecile and maybe I still am, but I want with all my heart to get your forgiveness, I really want you to give me a chance to correct my mistakes. I hurt you enormously, not only when I abandoned you after the wedding, but also before, when I didn't realize the feelings you had for me.'' his eyes were full with tears and Penelope noticed he was in pain, not phisical, but emotional, '' Please, Penelope, please give me one more chance. Please tell me you can love me again.''