Love me not

20. Overjoyed

Three serene and joyful months had passed since Penelope sent her letter to the Queen, and the response she received was beyond anything she had imagined. The Queen herself had written back, approving her publication and encouraging her not to give up. The Queen expressed her admiration for Penelope's courage in challenging a society where only men's opinions mattered, and she commended her for her boldness.

That letter gave Penelope a sense of relief and freedom. It was a sign that she could finally express herself openly without fear. She promised to choose her words more carefully and take better care of her publication. When the social season began, the first issue of Lady Whistledown's Society Papers was released. It was different from her previous work, as Penelope decided to focus on helping young debutantes in their search for suitable husbands. She highlighted the virtues of these young women, particularly the wallflowers—those like her who had been overlooked for so long.

Alongside her writing, she continued to support Colin's work on his journals. While he was unsure about publishing them, he cherished sharing his writing with her, and Penelope was his most devoted supporter.

Their married life was blissful. Colin had initially thought he would miss traveling, but he found that he couldn't imagine life without Penelope by his side. He planned to resume his travels after the social season was over, but he vowed he would never go without her. He wanted to give Penelope the honeymoon she deserved.

One afternoon, as Penelope entered Colin's study, she called out, "Colin!"

Colin stood up from his desk. "Pen, what's wrong?" he asked with concern.

Penelope's face lit up with excitement. "Anthony just sent a letter. Kate had the baby!" she said, her voice filled with joy.

Colin smiled broadly. "Oh, that's wonderful!" He quickly crossed the room to her.

"It's a boy," Penelope continued, her eyes sparkling. "They're still at Aubrey Hall. Should we go?"

"Of course! I'm eager to meet our nephew," Colin replied eagerly.

Penelope smiled, but her eyes were clouded with a tinge of sadness, and Colin immediately understood why. They had talked about having children for months, but nothing had happened. As he drew her into a comforting embrace, he spoke softly.

"Pen, we will have our own children. You just need to be patient," Colin said gently, his hand stroking her hair.

Penelope's voice trembled as she pulled back from him. "I feel like I've failed... as a woman and as a wife," she said, her eyes brimming with tears.

Colin's expression softened, and he wiped the tears from her face. "You haven't failed, Penelope. Please, don't say that. You're an incredible woman and a loving wife. We will have children. I know we will."

Penelope nodded, feeling comforted by his words, but still unsure.

The next morning, they set off for Aubrey Hall. The long carriage ride was peaceful, and they arrived just in time for lunch. Anthony and Violet greeted them with eager smiles, excited to introduce little Edmund to his aunt and uncle.

When Penelope held the baby for the first time, she was overcome with emotion. Edmund had Kate's large, beautiful eyes and Anthony's strong features. As Kate gently placed him in Penelope's arms, she could not hold back the tears. They were joyful, but Penelope couldn't explain why she was so deeply moved.

"Oh, Penelope..." Kate said softly, noticing her friend's tears.

Penelope wiped her eyes, her voice choked with emotion. "I'm so sorry, Kate. He's just... stunning. You are so lucky and blessed."

Kate smiled warmly. "Thank you, Penelope. Yes, I am truly blessed. And you will be too." She gave Penelope a knowing look before handing little Edmund back to her. "It took time for Anthony and me to conceive, but we were eventually blessed. Don't lose hope, Penelope."

Penelope nodded, her heart both heavy and hopeful. "Colin tells me the same thing, but I can't stop worrying. What if I'm never able to have children?"

Kate placed a comforting hand on Penelope's shoulder. "That will never happen, Penelope. Colin loves you too much to ever leave you over something like that. He adores you. And you will be an amazing mother."

That evening, after a day spent with family, Penelope retired to her room, where Rae assisted her with her bedtime routine. The Bridgertons were celebrating Edmund's arrival downstairs, and Penelope assumed Colin would be joining them soon.

As Rae brushed through her hair, she glanced at Penelope with concern. "Mrs. Bridgerton, you're looking a bit pale. Are you feeling alright?" she asked, her voice soft.

Penelope sighed, feeling weary. "It's been a long day, Rae, and I've been feeling a bit off. My stomach has been bothering me for a few days now."

Rae raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure it's just that?"

Penelope turned toward her, frowning slightly. "What do you mean? Do you think I'm sick?"

Rae shook her head, a gentle smile playing on her lips. "Not sick. But I do think you might be with child."

Penelope's eyes widened in disbelief. "What? You think... I'm pregnant?"

Rae nodded slowly. "Well, I've noticed you've been having stomach trouble and you've been a bit emotional lately. Remember when you cried the other day because we forgot to bake a lemon tart?"

Penelope's cheeks flushed, but she was still uncertain. "But are those really signs of pregnancy?"

Rae gave her a reassuring look. "Yes, they are. And I don't think you had your courses last month, did you?"

Penelope hesitated, trying to recall. "Honestly, I can't remember. There's been so much going on that I didn't pay attention." She thought hard, but nothing came to mind. "How can we be sure?"

Rae smiled. "Well, your courses are due next week. If you don't bleed, and the morning sickness continues, we won't need any further proof."

Penelope nodded slowly, her heart racing. "Don't tell Colin yet. I want to be sure before I say anything."

Rae smiled and nodded. "Of course."

For the next two weeks, Penelope anxiously checked each morning for any sign of bleeding, but there was none. Her morning sickness lingered, and her period never came. Then, one day, Rae informed her with certainty that she was pregnant. Overcome with emotion, Penelope cried and hugged Rae tightly, her joy impossible to contain. She was expecting a child, and Colin would be overjoyed.

That evening, Penelope prepared for the ball, knowing she couldn't keep the secret much longer. She selected a navy blue dress, the fabric embroidered with silver sequins, and left her red curls loose, secured with a delicate silver butterfly pin. When she looked in the mirror, she was pleased with what she saw. She felt radiant, content.

When Colin entered the room, he paused, his eyes widening as he took in her appearance. "You're glowing, love," he said, walking over to her and placing his hands gently on her waist.

Penelope turned to him, smiling. "You look handsome, dear husband," she replied, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"I can't wait to dance with you all night. We haven't had the chance to dance together in so long," he said, leaning in to kiss her lightly.

Penelope took a deep breath. "Colin... there's something I need to tell you before we leave for the ball."

He looked at her with concern. "Is something wrong?"

Penelope smiled through her tears. "Colin... I'm pregnant. We're going to have a baby," she whispered, her voice filled with emotion.

Colin's eyes went wide, and his hand instinctively moved to her belly, caressing it softly. "Are you happy?" he asked, his voice thick with emotion.

Penelope nodded, her heart swelling. "I am, Colin. I'm so happy."

Colin pulled her into a tight embrace. "You've made me the happiest man alive."

"And you," Penelope whispered, looking up at him, "make me the happiest woman alive."