Love me not

4. Homecoming

Penelope's gaze shifted to the drawer where the letter from Colin rested. Her heart thudded in her chest, each beat pulling her toward it, yet at the same time, a part of her wanted to shove it back down and pretend it didn't exist. But what if he sent her that letter to tell her he was injured? What if he was sick? Can she live with herself if anyhting bad happenes to him?

Of course she cannot. She loves him still and she will probably always love him.

Kate noticing Penelope's concern, shooks her head. '' No, nothing bad happened to him. This morning, we received a letter from Colin informing us of his impending return home.''

Penelope's heart skipped a beat at the words 'home' . '' He is coming home? To London? '' she inquired, unclear about Colin's definition of home.

Kate nodded, a slight frown creasing her brow as she spoke. "Yes, to London. That is what he wrote in his letter to us and I believe the letter you just received is to announce the same thing.''

'' Well, you told me already, so I do not need to know anything else.''

Kate looked at Penelope closely, her concern deepening. She could sense the layers of emotion beneath Penelope's words, the wall she had built around herself in an attempt to protect her heart. Penelope's voice, though calm, carried a weight that Kate could feel.

'' Penelope, I know you were devastated when Colin left, but he's your husband, and he's coming back, and if my memory serves me well, you still love him.''

Penelope's chest tightened at Kate's words. She had hoped that by pushing Colin out of her thoughts and focusing on rebuilding her life, she could erase the pain and the love that still lingered like a ghost. Hearing Kate put it into words made it all too real, and Penelope felt a rush of emotions threatening to overwhelm her. "I loved him," Penelope said quietly, her voice laced with a mix of sadness and resignation, " But it's irrelevant now. He chose to abandon me right after we were married. I have no desire to learn anything about him.''

Kate knew how hurt Penelope was, she's been there for her throught all of her highs and lows. She told her that she had always loved Colin, how hurtful it was for her to be abandoned by Colin the day after the wedding. She witnessed the changes that Penelope made, not only in relation to the house, but also to her own person.

Penelope converted the initial anguish into harshness during the months that Colin was gone. She developed from a kind and upbeat young lady into a determined and self-confident woman. Ultimately, developing self-confidence wasn't all that terrible, but she was no longer the Penelope she previously was. She altered her appearance, giving up her yellow gowns in favor of clothes in warmer colors like blue and green. She rarely smiled, but when she did, the entire area was lit up.

She also caught the interest of some of the society's gentlemen, but she never gave them any weight and none of them paid her any more attention than a blank stare. After all, she was married, and despite the rumors in Lady Whisteldown that her husband was distant and their marriage was really a "mear deal between two rich families," nobody dared to get closer to her for fear of stirring up controversy.

After Kate left, Penelope sat down at her desk and took Colin's letter out of the drawer. She decided to read it, it was the first letter from him that she was reading in 6 months. She took a deep breath and unfolded the letter, her heart pounding in her chest.

Dear Penelope,

It has been six months since I last heard from you, and I can't help but wonder if my letters have even reached you—or if you've read them, if they have. I understand, and I do not blame you, if you haven't, for I know how deeply hurt you must be. You have every right to be upset with me. I can only offer my sincerest apologies for leaving you as I did, for walking away without a word. I was unprepared, unworthy even, to be the husband you deserve. I wasn't ready to face you, to confront the consequences of my actions.