Halazia

He Never Loved Me

Hongjoong hiccuped and held in his tears desperately, his hands clenched into tight fists at his side and his steps so heavy despite the speed he was moving at. He could feel his heartbeat thrumming in his ears, his stomach sinking and swirling deep within him. God, how he wanted to smell that whiskey all over again, to have it overwhelm his senses, consuming him completely like a thick rain. Why, oh why did the universe have to bring it back to him only to take it away so cruelly, so unfeeling.

San huffed as Hongjoong continued onwards, totally ignoring his voice. "Captain! Why are you leaving?! We just got to the tavern!" San rolled his eyes and dashed ahead. He slowed down once he was caught up with Hongjoong. "You seem...tense." The alpha furrowed his brow and tapped Hongjoong's shoulder, making another attempt to alert him before he climbed on the boat. "CAPTAIN!"

Hongjoong sighed shakily and turned his face away. "We're leaving, San. Tell the others. Now:'' he spoke with absolutely no hint of his normal warmth. He was numb, inside and out, the feeling of emptiness settling into him all over again. The feeling he had ran away from so long ago.

Without a second thought, he started to untie the ship, his hands shaking and his face void of any emotion. His throat was so tight... he just wanted to scream.

Mingi raced with Yeosang up the dock, his eyebrows raised and head tilted. "Captain, where are you going? Are we leaving?" He could feel the pang of disappointment in his chest, along with this sense of dread. As if he was leaving something behind. But what..? "Sir, pardon my saying so, but we just got here! Can't we at least rest for the night before taking off again?"

Yeosang gasped "We can't! Please!" He usually didn't protest against his captain, but he had just found Jongho! A one in a million chance happened! "Captain can we-" As Yeosang rested his hands on the omega's to try and stop him from untying the boat he froze. His hands were shaking horribly. Something wasn't right.

San whined and fell to his knees dramatically. "I only learned his name! Please captain! I can't leave him!!"

Mingi sighed shakily as he fell to his knees beside sand, his hands falling limping in his lap as he gazed at the captain with pure longing. "Please, captain, I was just about to take him to the inn with me!" He whined and pouted, puppy dog eyes on full display.

Hongjoong didn't even hear their whines, his ears had started to ring and his heartbeat only got faster and faster. His breath followed soon after and, as soon as he felt the hands on his own it was like a flip switched and his hearing returned. Gazing up to the alpha, his lip quivered and he kept his face turned away from the other two. God, he was so grateful to have his back turned to them. He didn't think he could look them in the eyes...

Yeosang shot the two a look. "I think our captain is a bit drunk right now. Sannie and Mingi, can you find cold fresh water for him?"

San stood up instantly. "Maybe if he sobers up we can stay!!" San dashed to Mingi, hooking his arm with the taller's. "Let's hurry back!!"

Yeosang sighed and bent his body a bit to be at level with Hongjoong, "captain, what happened?"

As they rushed away, Hongjoong inhaled deeply before releasing a soft sob. His body curled in on itself, his hands shaking when he held onto the rope so tightly his knuckles turned white. He sobbed weakly as he pressed his face into the wood that the rope was tied around, his shoulder shaking and his face red from his struggle to take a deep breath. God, it burned so deeply within him, rendering him completely helpless to the scent of whiskey and the utter and complete emptiness within him.

Destined to be alone. That's what Seonghwa had said to him so long ago. He was reckless, naive, and without the ability to settle down, he would never find another mate as long as he was alive. He gasped in a deep breath before breaking down into his loud cries, his cheeks streaked with tears and veins poking from his forehead at the effort. He hadn't cried like this in ages... he hadn't cried like this.