Discovering Spencer

15. In the backseat

"Aaahhh," Quinn screamed. "He kissed you."

"Yeah, he did," I said blushing.

I strapped on my seatbelt as she peeled off the driveway. I waited all night to tell her about Logan. I didn't want to tell her over the phone because it wasn't the type of thing I wanted to discuss over text, plus I wanted to see her reaction in person and just like I imagined it was priceless.

"How was it?"

I looked away summoning the memory. "It was nice and sweet then it got hot."

"Aww,"she cooed. "That sounds so nice. My first kiss was horrible. It was with this kid named Bobby and neither of us knew what we were doing but he thought he was in expert. He stuck his tongue in my mouth and drowned me with saliva__"

"Eww,"

"I know, I know," she said gagging at the thought. "It was awful; my eyes were open the whole time."

"Well mine was perfect," I said smiling.

"I can tell, look at you blushing." She said, patting my arm playfully. "So what happened after?"

"He had to go. I didn't want my parents to catch him."

"Did he kiss you at the door?"

"Yeah,"I gushed.

She squeals running a yellow light, "This is major, like, extremely major." She turned to me. "This is happening, Spencer."

"I know," I said squealing along with her. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that something would ever be happening between me and Logan but it was and I was happy.

♥♥♥

When we got to school Quinn and I stayed in her car talking some more about last night. Somehow in the midst of all the talking we lost track of time. I shrieked when I realized that I was going to be late for first period, so much for perfect attendance. We said goodbye and I hauled to first period.

I was going to have to endure four class periods and lunch before I'd get to see Logan again. I paid little to no attention to whatever was going on during those grueling class periods. Physically, my body was in class but mentally my mind was on Logan. The more time approached the giddier I got. My stomach was filling up with butterflies and by the time I got to health it felt like I was about to erupt.

I took my seat, placed by book and notebook in front of me then sat back on the desk waiting for Logan's arrival. In a matter of minutes the class filled up with students but no Logan. I hoped this wasn't one of those days he decided to not come to class. What if he didn't come to class? I would die, it would hurt me.

On the final bell when I was just about to give up all hope he came in. my heart skipped several beats at the sight of him. He was wearing black jeans ripped at the knees and a 1977 Led Zeppelin tour shirt, a mere sight of complete perfection. No other guy at school could pull off the rugged rock n'roll look as well as him.

"Cutting it close, aren't we Mr. Whitlock." Mrs. Fuller said.

He pursed his lips in agitation but smiled at me as he walked passed me to his seat. I smiled back like a little girl because that was exactly how I felt inside, a little girl in awe of the extremely hot guy that had kissed her last night.

"Today we'll be discussing healthy people 2020," Mrs. Fuller said, getting up to write it on the board. "Did anyone visit the website?"

A couple of people raised their hands but I didn't. Up until now I had completely forgotten what we discussed from the previous class. Mrs. Fuller pulled up the website on the projector for us to see and droned on about it for a while. Here I was trying to pay attention when I felt someone poking my elbow repeatedly.

When I turned around a red cheeked Annie Sawyer handed me a note from under her desk. Why was she writing me a note? I didn't talk to her; in fact we never talk unless we're working in groups. She was too annoying for my liking, always overdoing everything. I opened the note up anyways and in perfect penmanship it said; do you wanna hang out after school.

I knew then that Annie hadn't written the note. I grinned to myself before turning around to nod yes to Logan. He bit the corners of his mouth, almost the way he did when he leaned in to kiss me and my entire body heated up. As I turned my face back to the front of the class I noticed Jane Lawrence sneering at me. I guess whatever charm she was trying to lay on Logan didn't work and by the looks of it she wasn't to happy with me. Oh well, I could care less about her, at least she wasn't psycho like Lulu.

When class ended I packed my stuff up as quickly as possible so I could have ample time to talk to Logan before my next class.

"Hey," he said smiling.

"Hi," I said back.

I sounded a little too chirpy, of course I was glad to see him and talk to him but I didn't want to overdo it. We've kissed, we've passed that line. I should be able to operate like a normal human being around him now.

"What's your last class?" he asked as we headed out.

"Arts and crafts," I told him.

"Is that with McLaren?"

"No Christie,"

"So....Can I come meet you after class?"

"Yeah," I agreed a little too quickly.

We were walking in the direction of his class when he took my hand into his stopping us in place. There weren't that many people around since everyone was rushing to class but the few that were around us took double takes at the PDA. Their faces had question marks and so did mine. I didn't think Logan was a PDA type of guy.

He stepped closer to me, his eyes were dark, the intensity in them made me weak at the knees.

"Are you still not allowed to date?"

"No," I replied quietly. I didn't want to tell him about the whole my parents want to meet you first thing. It'd be too soon to ruin or rush what we have. My parents were going to have to be in the dark about this.

"Bummer," he said his mouth in a tight line.

"We can still hang out,"

He smiled bringing his lips to mine. I closed my eyes, arching my body against his kissing him back. We were kissing, out on the open, on school grounds with people watching and I didn't care because I loved it. The kiss ended in just a few seconds and when he pulled away leaving me breathless yet again, I got light headed and nearly lost my footing.

"You okay?" He asked holding me still.

I nodded clearly at a loss for words. Would I ever get used to this?

"I have to go to class now," I said taking a few steps back away from him to test out my legs. I was okay, I could stand on my own. "See you after school."

"Yeah," he smiled.

We parted ways and before I could make the turn towards the direction of my class I turned around to look at him only to find that he was already looking at me. My stomach flipped flopped and I almost lost my footing again. Although he was a bit further away from me I could see a smile forming at the corners of his mouth. I really needed to get a hold of myself but he made it so freaking hard.



♥♥♥

"Which one do you prefer?" Logan asked holding Coldplay's X & Y album in one hand and Kings of Leon's Only by the Night in the other. I was in a chill mood so I went with Coldplay.

"Good choice, "he said.

He popped it in the CD player, pressed play and the first track begun to play. I couldn't believe I was in his car again, I wasn't as nervous this time around but my heart was still dancing in my chest but then again he could be miles away and my heart would still be dancing in my chest, it was the Logan effect.

As promised he came by my last class after school to get me so we could hang out. I texted my dad to tell him that I was staying after school for extra credit work and that id catch a ride with someone so he wouldn't have to bother to come get me. I know I shouldn't have lied to him but these days lying to my parents was the only solution. I mean clearly I didn't learn my lesson after being grounded for nearly a month.

So here I was in Logan's car about to go.... well I wasn't sure where we were going. When I asked him about it, he said he didn't have a destination in mind. So he drove out of the school zone merging into the streets and the prodigious musical creation of Coldplay played in the background. Unbelievable was the appropriate word for this moment but like Quinn said earlier today, this was happening.

I peeked up to look at him, he looked so in charge behind the wheel. His face was serious, a little too serious, like he was in deep thoughts about something very important. I couldn't read him that was the thing, I could never read him, and it was a perennial challenge. He was mysterious, incredibly enigmatic, I didn't know much about him except for the bits of information I've gathered over the years and the stuff Quinn told me but that wasn't much, it was nothing actually. I didn't really, like, know him, not the important stuff. I mean he doesn't know much about me either but there wasn't much to know.

"What are your parents like?" I blurted out as he made a left turn onto Roslindale road. He turned my way with a puzzled look on his face, he was surprised by my question.

He pursed his lips together. "My mom is....," he trailed looking away from me. "She's, um, nice and my dad's an okay guy I guess."

I waited for him to tell me more but it became clear that he wasn't going to go into further details which made me want to know more.

"Are they still together?" I asked, pressing on.

"No," he answered softly.

Was that it? Could he be anymore vague? Was the subject of his parents that touchy he was refusing to speak about them? He wasn't giving anything away but I still wanted to know more. My mother has always told me that a woman should always know when to hold her tongue and this situation seemed fit for me to do so.

We came to a red light; Logan sat very still in his seat, his eyes fixated on the road. I knew something was bothering him, the sullen look plastered on his face said it all.

"My mom is sick," he said quietly. "She's not sick, sick but she has an obsessive-compulsive disorder. She's always had it but it wasn't as bad, not until.... my dad started drinking. On the nights he was out drinking she would wake up over and over again to go downstairs to clean the kitchen. She'd look lifeless the next day." His voice was breaking; I've never seen him like this before. "It got so bad it led to her getting fired at work. After that everything spun out of control, she became depressed and the OCD worsen."

I was having an I-don't-know-what-to-say-moment. I kept silence and when the light turned green he resumed driving. I stared blankly out the window trying to think of something to say. What could I say? I was the one who was inquiring about his family and now that he's told me, I almost wished I hadn't. It would be exceedingly rude on my part to not say anything so I asked him how she was doing now.

"She's doing better."

"And your dad?"

"He's not around," he murmured. "My sister and her husband had to move in with us to keep a close eye on my mom."

"You have other siblings?"

"Yeah my little brother Miles, he's fourteen and Lauren's Twenty-five"

Silence fell upon us again. I was getting more than I actually wanted. He was opening up to me, which was okay but a little scary at the same time. I have thought about what his life is like outside of school and I always picture him in a happy home, never would have I thought that his life was like this. Suddenly, everything just became too real.

Without warning Logan drove onto a grassy empty parking lot removing the key from the ignition. I glanced at him and saw that all color was drained from his face. Out of nowhere, he started pounding on the steering wheel. It caught me so of guard that I shrieked.

"Fuck!" his tone was full of anger.

"Logan!" I grab his hand away from the steering wheel, clasping mine over his so he could stop. My eyes were stinging which only meant one thing, tears. They scurried so fast down my cheeks I didn't have time to blink or anything.

"I'm sorry," I said to him, my voice quivering from a muffled cry. He buried his head on the side of my neck. His breathing was so close to my ear, it was loud, harsh and ragged. I could feel his heart pounding fast, matching the rhythm of mine. We were so close, chest to chest, it felt like there was a magnetic force pulling our hearts closer together and at any given second our chests would rip open so our hearts could connect. It was intense, nothing I've ever experienced before.

We sat still for a few minutes then I felt Logan's cold lips trailing a series of small kisses from my neck to my collarbone. I squirmed in my seat, a little taken aback by his behavior. One minute he was overcome with apoplectic rage then the next minute he was all over me. He leaned forward to kiss me while his hands were caressing my face. I closed my eyes to kiss him back. This kiss was different from the previous times we've kissed, it was rough and aggressive, not at all gentle and for some reason I liked it, it was getting me excited.

"Let's go to the backseat," he offered. Before I could answer he was already out the car and back in again. He pulled me off the passenger seat onto his lap. His hands were on my waist and he was kissing me again. I pressed my body against his, I decided to be a little adventurous with what little experience I have and nibbled on his bottom lip like he did me the first time we kissed. He growled into my mouth with appreciation.

"You're really good at this," he said, lowering me down on the leather seat. He was on top of me, his whole body was pressed against me. I wrapped a leg around him pushing myself upward only to hit my head against the door.

"Are you okay?" His hands were on the back of my head holding it in place.

"Yeah," I replied. I wrapped my hands around his neck bringing his lips back to my lips then we were in full make out mode again. Gently he slipped his tongue inside my mouth, it felt soft and smooth as he massaged it against mine. I wasn't sure what the heck I was supposed to do so I did the exact same thing he was doing. His response took me by surprise, he was grinding on top of me and his hands were roaming under my shirt then down to the waistband of my jeans.

My entire body was ignited with heat. It was getting too hot, too heavy, and too fast. My body liked it but my head was saying otherwise. I wasn't ready for whatever was coming. He unbuttoned my jeans and undid the zipper and slowly his hands were skimming down.... down.... down there.

"Oh, my God!" I yelped, jolting myself up.

He removed his hands immediately. "What it is?"

"Um... this isn't," I was out of breath. "I can't do this, not here, not now."

"We could go somewhere else."

"No that's... it's not really what I want to do, like, at all today."

His face fell, "Oh."

"I'm guessing that wasn't the answer you were looking for," I said looking anywhere but at him.

"No it wasn't but it's okay," he muttered.

"Logan," I said softly, I felt my insides twisting into giant knots. It was truth time. He just revealed the darkest parts of his life to me I could offer him the same thing, as hard as it would be for me to admit. I didn't want to be bashful when it came to telling him how I feel.

"I'm a....virgin." The words felt heavy as they came out of my mouth. I looked down to hide my flustered face.

"I'm sorry," Logan said, planting a small kiss on my burning cheek. "I didn't mean to, I didn't know."

"It's fine," I whispered.

"I have to take you home now."

"No! No, you don't have to that. We can still go hang out."

"No it's best that I take you home," He said, he was determined and I was confused. I was sure my facial expression gave me away because then he looked at me in the most peculiar way and said, "I want to this right so come on."

He opened the door and I followed him out. As I sat back in the passenger seat I got to thinking about he meant by, "I want to do this right," what did he mean by it? He had to be referring to us, as like, together, he wanted to go about this relationship the right away which had me thinking about his previous relationships. What had he done to make them go wrong? How many girlfriends or sexual partners has he had? That was another part of his life I didn't know squat about it.

I didn't want to delve into this now. When he resumed driving, merging back into the main road he took my hand into his free hand, we smiled at each other and everything felt perfect. I'd have ample time to get to know him, right now we were in the early stages of things and I wanted to enjoy it and let it flow naturally.