Discovering Spencer

31. Everything's great

I was flying.

In my dream I was flying and everything below me looked so tiny, out of my reach. I kept going higher and higher but I wasn’t scared because I knew I would eventually return to everything that rightfully belonged to me. So I soared into the cloudless sky without a care in the world.

I was happy and it was the best kind of happy. I wasn’t afraid about something coming along to take it away from me. The only person who could take my happiness away from me was, well, me and I wasn’t going to do that. Life was great, I was in love, I finally got the closure I needed from Chloe, the toxic bitch that was Lulu Crane was gone and I had the best friend any girl could ever ask for.

I awoke to the sunlight streaming through my bedroom window. Its natural cheering powers got me right out of bed. Grabbing my iPhone off the nightstand, I plugged my headphones in and searched for the most cheerful song in the music app. Starry Eyed by Ellie Goulding caught my eye and I blasted it in my ears, dancing awkwardly while belting out the lyrics. I was in the privacy of my room with no one watching me so I danced my ass off while making my bed then moon walked all the way to the closet to look for an outfit.

I was lost in the beat of the song and Ellie’s intoxicating voice, just dancing blissfully. I was completely unaware that someone was standing behind me. When I turned around and saw my mother standing by my bed I shrieked and nearly ripped the headphones out of my ears.

“M-Mom.” I gasped, I was breathless from dancing and embarrassed from getting caught.

She leaned against the bed with a smirk on her face. “Oh don’t let me stop you, Dancing Queen.”

She was mocking me.

“Ha, ha,” I faked laugh. I walked over to my bed and laid out my clothes flat on the bed.

She eyed the outfit and raised an eyebrow at me.

“What?”

“Don’t you think its a little cold outside for a skirt?”

“I’m going to wear tights with it,” I answered quickly.

She stared at me for a while and didn’t say anything but she looked conflicted. Something was bothering her, something was on her mind and I had a feeling my pleated faux leather skirt had nothing to do with it.

“Sit,” she instructed.

I did as she said. “What’s going on, Mom?”

She drew back a breath then sat next to me on the bed.

“The skirt isn’t the problem,” she said.

I knew it, I shouted loudly in my head but remained silent.

“The thing is, Spence, you have a boyfriend now and__” she paused abruptly. “He is your boyfriend now isn’t he?”
I nodded.

“Like I was saying,” she resumed. “You have a boyfriend now and wearing a skirt like this will give him ideas. It’s a sex filled world out there and boys…they want that__”

“Mom!” I held up my hand to stop her before she could finish that humiliating sentence. I knew what she was trying to say, we’ve had the “talk” before. I was thirteen, soon to be a freshman in high school when she told me about the birds and the bees. At thirteen I already knew way too much about sex, thanks to Chloe, so I wasn’t hearing anything new then. Now that she was reopening that can of worms, I knew she would have more to say.

“Spence, honey, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable talking about this but I want you to be careful especially now that you have a boyfriend. Boys have urges and girls too, you might start having__”