This Is Why I Love The Color Red

Law

[Listen to I WILL BE HERE by Alessandra De Rossi and Paulo Contis]

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I started creating dummy accounts. I hated the public attention. It was so scary whenever I opened my real account and was bombarded by people who knew me. How did it happen? I was so in love with writing that it began to define my entire persona. I became quite famous and had a decent following—what I mean by decent is experiencing over 20,000 views on my stories or getting thousands of likes on posts. In total, I earned over 180,000 followers. Initially, I was happy about it, but over time, I grew tired of it. It felt like countless eyes scrutinizing me from different angles and perspectives. It was disheartening because I had to adjust to what people wanted and lost sight of who I wanted to be. More media, more people, more comments... including hate comments. It was exhausting to live like that, which is why I found comfort in hiding behind a different name.

That's where I met Law.

"Law sent you a friend request."

I was already talking to someone else, but it felt like nothing was happening. I needed some spice in my life. Some thrill.

"Hey, hi."

"Hello."

"What are you doing?"

"Uh... using my phone?"

We talked the whole night. It was fun. It felt like getting to know someone, but at the same time, not really.

"Do you want to meet up?"

My heart skipped a beat. Meet? Someone from online? What if I get killed? What if he doesn't like how I look in real life?

I looked at myself in the mirror. Long red hair mixed with natural black streaks—my childhood friend forgot to dye them, either because we didn't have enough hair dye or because my hair just is. Black spaghetti strap. Black cycling shorts. Would he even like me?

Flashbacks of Onie started to crawl back. He was my crush from 10th to 11th grade. I even changed my style and makeup just to impress him. We were classmates in one subject. He'd always reply to my stories or do sleep calls with me. There was this one time at Christmas when I found out we were in the same mall. Listen, I have the utmost respect for myself, but when I found out I was going to see him for the first time, my heart almost jumped out of my chest.

That time, I messaged him and went to the places he said he went. No Onie. He was nowhere to be found. When I got home, I quickly checked his story. Damn. He looked so cute when he smiled. His black shirt hugged his broad shoulders perfectly. His perfect black hair made him look like my favorite manga character, Toji Fushiguro. We bonded over our shared love for anime and manga. I spent the summer doing freelance jobs as a writer just to buy anime-related posters and stuff. I even decorated my whole room with my favorite anime characters and movies.

The ending? I got dumped. My feelings weren't reciprocated. I even wrote letters for him on Futureme.com, but they were sent to my own email because I was too scared to confess and too afraid he might reject me. Alongside his casual treatment of me and making me act like his internet girlfriend, there was another girl he always mentioned, which made me so jealous. She's my complete opposite—a ball of sunshine covered in pastel colors, while I'm more like a square made of dark materials in the attic.

Well, not really, because after I realized he wouldn't like me in 10th grade, my long-time online friend Aljoe confessed that he liked me. I turned him from best friend to boyfriend. I thought he wouldn't break my heart because he knew all the stories of how boys had broken my heart. I often told him about my boy problems. When I was in a relationship with Aljoe, Onie sent me a drunk confession. Too bad. Too late.