This Is Why I Love The Color Red

Tebi

[Listen to MARGARET by Lana Del Rey]

--

Being a romantic in a world full of jerks was a bad choice. This heart just couldn't seem to learn its lesson. Imagine getting to know someone, loving them deeply as if they're your soulmate, only to wake up one day realizing you have to unlove them because they've decided they don't love you anymore. Falling in love felt terrifying.

I developed traumas. Attachment issues. It's not a phobia, but a fear of getting hurt. Betrayed. Cheated on. Left for no reason. Ghosted. Replaced with someone else. Became a rebound. Option. You name it, I've experienced every heartbreak imaginable. For years, I haven't fallen in love... we either break up before the anniversary or stay together unhappily.

"What are your standards?" Ran asked, pouring a cup of orange juice. Today, we're helping Renc and Ran with their business—cookies. My heart is happy knowing these two are actually growing together. Imagine starting a business at 20 with the person you want to spend your lifetime with. I hope to experience that one day.

"As long as he loves her... she's happy. That's the bare minimum that EL always praises," Rio rolled his eyes as we took shots.

"Well... isn't that how love works? Even if I have countless standards, if Cupid shoots his arrow, they all disappear. I'm just happy to give love to someone, even if they end up hurting me. At least I got to experience their love... that doesn't always happen, right?"

"You mean, at least you tasted them."

"Yuck!"

"Ew!"

Rio looked shocked and covered his mouth. He seemed surprised.

"Wow, as if you guys don't have sex?!?" Rio and his disrespectful mouth. Sarcasm has been his friend.

"EL could never," I took a bite of the graham. God, delicious.

"Hey! We're selling those... they're not for free tasting!"

"You need my comments to become professional chefs!"

The night was filled with risqué conversations. Full of "remember when" moments. We were discussing our futures, and my heart couldn't be happier. I could probably stay single if I lived with my friends—I could live with just them to keep me distracted and happy. I wish that's how the world worked. Well, it doesn't. We all have our own lives and problems to fix. I can't expect them to always be there for me. That would be selfish.

I was at home when my phone vibrated. Scrolled down. Different boys sending me messages. I wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone. As I was about to turn off my phone, I saw a notification from my message requests.

'Hey, gorgeous.'

I love being called gorgeous rather than beautiful.

'Hello.'

'Are you for real? You seemed like an angel sent from above.' Corny yet cute. Being an angel isn't bad, I mean, angels are creepy. I love being creepy.

'I'm just a concept.'

The conversation continued. 

"For a Filipino guy, he's good at speaking English, huh? Probably an iPad kid," I mused silently as we chatted non-stop, him ensuring our talks were never dull. He was persistent, and I couldn't help but stalk his profile, finding numerous group photos with friends and gym selfies.

"Why am I always stuck with gym rats?" I sighed, scrolling through their friend group's page.

"Awe... they all look so happy," I murmured to myself. Birds of a feather, eh?