This Is Why I Love The Color Red

愛

Sometimes, even if you want to be with him all the time, you just can't. For now.

"Oh, is Phoenix coming?" Lulu asked as we were eating hotpot in Ayala Feliz.

"Uh, no. He's with his mom, doing errands. He has a life too, and I can't always ask him to come with me." My friends got used to Phoenix being by my side in every trip and outing.

I was kind of afraid of depending too much on a guy, but Phoenix erased that fear. He made sure to always be part of my outings with friends, just another way of showing that he values them because they are important to me.

"But he's fetching us in Cubao." After spending time with Lulu doing girly stuff, Phoenix did come to pick us up. He looked stressed and worried. I didn't want to pry, but I wanted to let him know that I was there if he needed to talk about what was on his mind.

I found myself telling him random things and talking about nonsense because I felt like I needed to distract him. It worked, and he slowly started to smile and laugh with me. I know sadness and problems are normal, but as much as possible, I want him to be happy. He deserves it so much.

I felt a bit guilty, thinking maybe he was just tired from all the driving and the things that happened during his day. I suddenly regretted having him fetch me when I could have just gone home or booked a Grab. Silly me.

"You should have rested instead of seeing me, darling."

"Don't worry, okay? I want to do this. I love you." There he goes again with his endless reassurance. This is why I love him so much. I'll complain and ask him for less, but he always makes sure to give more than what I ask for. Silly him, right?

"By the way, do you want to come with me to my friend's despedida party for me?"

"Sure."

That's one thing with Phoenix—whenever I ask him to come with me, he does. It's like we're Dora and Boots. He's becoming my travel buddy and adventure partner. It's weird, but okay. I'm just not used to dating a guy who says yes to my plans, whether they're well thought out or just spontaneous.

Cong was already on his way to South Caloocan. We were left at Ayala Cloverleaf with no friends in the backseat to help with gas money. Phoenix only had enough money left for gas, but I had extra.

"This is a problem. I thought they were coming with us."

"Okay. What should we do? Should we cancel?" I asked. I could easily say no.

"No... no. Don't."

Next thing I knew, Phoenix had a contingency plan. We were driving to Caloocan, enjoying each other's company. This was the first time I had a boyfriend with a car who came along to hang out with my friends. We even had a little funny argument about the girls he dated before, but it was nothing serious since I had dated boys too. It was just amusing.

When we got to the place, I saw Yossef and his girlfriend. I quickly went to Elai and Cong, who were both cooking. Some of our friends were already swimming and drinking. I went upstairs with Phoenix and had him rest—he was tired.

"You want to sleep?" I gave him Chico to hug.

"Yeah, for an hour."

"Okay. Rest here. I'll go help Cong cook."

"But I want to cuddle. Can you stay with me? I want to hug you." My big baby. I stayed until he fell asleep and then went downstairs to help Cong. After an hour, my clingy boyfriend came down. It was adorable.

"Oh, remember Elai? She's the girl I share my location with and was the one who kept manifesting for a love so true for me." I spoke as I introduce Elai to Phoenix.

"Oh okay."

"I'm just happy for you. Take care of her heart, Phoenix.... okay?" She hugged me, tightly. We danced as she was trying to make Phoenix envious towards her clingyness towards me which really worked because Phoenix, somehow, feels envious in a funny way. In a form of joke, he'd always say "my wife."

We just recently became friends. Elai has been a nice girl with an image being tainted by other people around her. I wish they could see how kind she is as a friend though. She's been sending me TikTok about how I deserve to be loved in ways since I told her about glimpse of my past and how I was being treated by boys since she is a single but kind of flirtatious girly who is afraid to commit.

We had fun swimming and hanging out. Phoenix accidentally bumped my head, and he was worried, but I was fine. I kept drinking until everything felt dizzy, but I was dancing crazily with Elai and Yossef's girlfriend. I ended up becoming friends with her and encouraging her to feel more confident about her body. She was really nice, and I was thankful that Yossef wasn't awkward around me and Phoenix.

Phoenix and I were in our own little world but also enjoying time with my friends. We were filming and kissing while swimming in the pool. I had him drink a lot of alcohol with my friends, and he was having fun too. It was comforting to know that he didn't feel out of place.

"Hey, future kids, this is us when I was 19 and he was 21," I started filming like crazy. I was well aware that I was already drunk.

"Do it, but be responsible."

"Stick with the good pull-out method and wear condoms."

"Imagine this playing on our wedding day."

"I don't care if you don't wear a condom, just make sure you pull out—or they pull out—no, just stay safe, that coochie."

"You don't even have to book a hotel like we did."

It was filled with Phoenix kissing my cheeks and being all clingy. I love when my man is obsessed with me, like Gomez Addams with Morticia. I enjoy PDA, even if others find it annoying. To me, that's love.

Later, I found a video on Phoenix's phone of him taking care of me. It was funny because I was hugging the toilet, puking. I left my favorite lipstick and slippers at the place. We were parked at a 7/11 in Grace Village, and Phoenix, despite being drunk, drove us safely back to Balingasa. I didn't even know how we got there. I woke up with his head resting on my thigh, the car running on fumes. We were both badly drunk. It was a reckless and spontaneous thing to do, but it became a core memory for us.

I love being drunk with my boyfriend.