This Is Why I Love The Color Red

Dos

[Listen to RIGHT HERE WAITING by Richard Marx]

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'I still have ₱5,000 in my card. I can probably go to him... maybe using JoyRide or Grab? What do you think?' I was shaking, trying my best not to cry while also finding a way to get to his place. My heart pounded as I waited for Aram and Quen's messages.

'Are you out of your mind? It's too far for you to commute!' Quen replied.

'You don't even know how to commute, so why bother going to him?' Aram added.

I needed to see him immediately.

I woke up with a heavy heart, intending to look through the Google Drive where we stored our memories together, but it was deleted. Only my boyfriend and I had access to this storage. It was really my last trigger. We had a huge fight these past few days, and dealing with him was hard with all my other busy stuff going on.

'You know what? Have some respect and decency for yourself, Eli! You're acting like a freaking chaser!' I could imagine Quen fuming.

'Grab is too pricey,' Aram commented.

'I have money.'

'Just because you always have money doesn't mean you should spend it over a stupid guy.' Quen's words came as my tears started to roll down.

'Please, don't beg. I'll slap you when I see you.'

If Aram and Quen were with me, they'd probably smother my face with their palms, but I thanked the universe they were busy with their class. This wasn't their problem to solve. It was mine.

'Stop it.'

I read Aram's message while fixing my bag. I stood in front of the bus lane but couldn't figure out which bus to ride because I didn't know anything about public transportation. Now, I started blaming my parents for not teaching me practical stuff like this.

'I guess we can't stop you,' Aram sounded disappointed.

'Can you guys look up hotels near his place?'

'Why do you even need to book a hotel or apartelle? Are you making out with him again just to band-aid your relationship problems?' I could almost hear Quen's sarcastic voice.

'In case he comes late. His class ends at 9 pm. I'm also scared I won't have transportation to get home.'

'Oh my god, Eli! I'm stressed just hearing about your life decisions,' Quen sounded exhausted with my rants.

'But Eli, don't expect anything. Just clear everything up. Finish what needs to be finished. Have some compassion for yourself. You and that guy have separate brain cells,' Aram interjected.

'Even in your breakup, you're the one still adjusting. Just keep gaslighting yourself. There are so many ways to communicate even if you don't see each other in person,' Quen's words stabbed me deeply.

I checked his location on Life360. It showed he was at home. I asked myself if I should ask if we could still work things out or just say goodbye to our shared memories. I was scared because he was my first. The first guy who lasted almost a year. The person I woke up to every day with a 'good morning'. The first guy I introduced to my parents. It was scary.

"He really pressed my buttons this time, huh?" I smirked bitterly, looking at how I panicked over stupid videos and pictures of us.

'I'll bet. When you guys see each other, you'll make up, and then you'll be okay again. You're posting about him on your story like you're an ACTUAL healthy couple,' Quen's frankness about my love life always struck me.