This Is Why I Love The Color Red

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"We can do 50/50."

"No."

We had been arguing over the bills for the nth time. Phoenix had this habit of always making sure he covered them. Honestly, people nowadays say that men should pay, but we're both students. We may be working, but we're still young. I enjoy his company and love him so much that I'm willing to contribute too.

My friends tease me, calling me a "sugar mommy" in relationships because I'm such a giver, always providing for the needs and wants of the man I like. But honestly, it feels good to have someone who reciprocates. I no longer have to pay for everything just so we can date, and I can feel his love through the things he provides without me having to ask or beg. It's a new experience for me.

"What about 70/30?"

"Maybe?"

I remember us eating Jollibee meals in his car—it had become our home. His white MG witnessed the love we've been sharing. It saw every version of us growing day by day. Some of the happiest moments of my life were hearing the familiar sound of his car engine.

I snapped back to reality and took a cute picture of myself in front of the hotel mirror. We were probably going to have sex today. This time, I didn't feel nervous. It was simple and romantic. He always makes sure everything is right before we get intimate. It might seem small, but it means a lot to me.

I have a deep trauma around sex because I always felt like I was being used for my body, like I was just someone to lust after over and over again. It was this weird, addicting feeling of seeking comfort in strangers during sex, trying to find a deeper connection when our bodies collided.

But with Phoenix, everything flowed smoothly. He's always considerate. He makes sure I give consent before anything happens. It's new to me, as I've gotten used to boys just trying to satisfy themselves with my body. For once, I felt valued, like something special and fragile, so he was careful.

"It takes an hour before you cum?" That was the first time I'd ever heard that from a guy. He must be strong.

"Yeah."

That night, it was just casual sex between two teenagers memorizing each other's bodies. We'd take breaks in between. Sometimes my mouth would get tired from blow jobs, or he'd get tired from thrusting. We'd laugh instead of being all serious and intimate. I love that we're just trying to get to know each other physically first.

Later, we bought some Dunkin' Donuts—choco butternut—for my siblings. My little brother and sister were so happy. It was probably a good way to get their attention. I had Phoenix give the donuts to them because I wanted them to like him as much as I do. With Ymir, Aeron was close since they were both boys, and Ysa had also grown fond of Ymir's companionship.

"Where are we going?"

"I want to introduce you to my friends. Well, Alas."

Before that, I grabbed the pouch where I'd hidden my gift for him. It was just a random "just because" gift because I love finding little things, like a pebble, and giving them to him. It's part of my love language.

"Close your eyes."

"Okay."

"I feel like you need this as a constant reminder since you always drive every single morning." I handed him the gift.

"What's this?" He turned it around in his hands.

"Oh my god!" I giggled like an excited kid.

"Because I feel like you need that reminder every day. You drive so fast, like you're in Tokyo Drift or something." He looked at me, happiness written all over his face.