Sarawat's Story

Part XXXVI: Defeated... Maybe.

(Please remember to comment, rate, and/or like! -J)

I could feel Tine and Type's eyes on my back as I walked out of the parking lot. My hands were balled into fists buried deep in my jacket pockets, tightening with every step. I walked as calmly as possible: not too fast as if I was running away, but not too slow, like I wanted to eavesdrop on them. As I made a left onto Avenue A, I focused my eyes on a sign a few blocks away as I walked, hoping it would keep me from glancing back at Tine and from adding to the regret I was feeling about leaving him with Type.

Once I was about a block away and I was sure they couldn't see me, I stopped and leaned against a light pole. I closed my eyes, arched my head back, and exhaled with my whole body. My shoulders slumped a little; my hands relaxed. I had been gripping my phone in my hand so tightly, it felt dangerously warm. I took a deep breath, then exhaled as I let my head drop until my chin rested on my chest. With one more deep breath I straightened up, opened my eyes, and continued walking.

Avenue A, the main thoroughfare through town, was always busy. During the day, the shops, restaurants, and cafes mainly served students and faculty from our university, and business people from downtown. At night, the avenue buzzed with people checking out the bars, clubs, and lounges scattered on both sides of the street. Of course, I wanted to avoid everyone and go home to be alone, but I had to walk a few blocks down Avenue A. It was like the universe had conspired against me: Avenue A was especially bright, colorful, and loud. The canyon-like corridor of the avenue seemed to amplify all the sounds. Groups packed the sidewalks, and people stood outside each bar, club, and lounge, waiting to get in. A symphony of talking, laughing, and celebratory yelling enveloped me. Cars cruised up and down the street while taxi cabs honked their horns and looked for customers. Music turned up to ear-splitting decibels poured out of each establishment, filling the streets with a mishmash of beats and melodies.

Although I was walking with my head down in hopes of avoiding being recognized by anyone, I heard my name called a few times.

"Sarawat, come have drinks with us!" a group of five girls cooed as I walked by the bar they were in line for.

A few steps away, two guys I knew from one of my classes yelled, "Sarawat! Come hang with us!"

Next to a restaurant, three girls invited me to eat with them. "We'll pay for your meal!" one of them offered as the other two nodded their heads energetically.

Although my mood was sour, and I usually wouldn't have paid anyone any attention, I was surprisingly cordial when I was recognized. I declined each invitation as nicely as possible: I clasped my hands together, bowed slightly, then smiled and said, "Sorry, not tonight," or "Maybe another time." A few were shocked I had even acknowledged them, and their eyes widened and their smiles enlarged. For me, the quicker I declined their invitations, the faster I could move through the crowds and get home. It also felt oddly satisfying to finally smile after an evening of furrowing my brows and trying not to scowl because of Type's antics.

I was walking past a lounge where I had attended a few events when I noticed a familiar face walk out of the door carrying two silver trays. He walked over to a taxi idling on the curb, opened its back door, and slowly bent down to place the trays on the seat. Before he could climb into the car, I called out to him happily.

"Green!"

He paused for a split second, almost as if he was unsure he had heard his name.

"Green!" I repeated, walking up to him. When he turned towards me, I stopped, almost gasping.

Green's usually bright and expressive eyes were red and puffy, surrounded by dark circles. His eyes looked glassy and distant, as if he was staring past me even though he was looking into my eyes. Green's hair wasn't messy, but it was definitely the worse I'd ever seen it. There were random out of place strands of hair that fell across his face. The perfect skin I believed he had was pale, almost ghostly. But, most troubling of all, even when I was sure he had recognized me, he didn't smile. Maybe, I thought, he couldn't see who I was because his eyes were baggy and red. But then a tiny and awkward smile appeared on his face although his eyes remained dark.