I don't know why i thought an internal break through would happen after my words at her funeral. I don't know why i thought it would make it more easy. I still don't know why i still believed that finding peace was going to come so naturally.
I got pushed through a doorway that locked behind me, so there was no avoiding what would sneak up on me now.
"Good morning my dearest loved ones"
I skipped down the stairs with a smile on my face, my parents were sitting there grasping their coffee mugs in silence before my so sudden happiness broke the sadness of their shadows. I couldn't decide whether they were more worried or concerned for me. "Wha-what is happening right now", "What mom? Can i not be happy", "Well its very unusual for what we've recently gone through, your freaking me out."
I could literally hear mom and dad glaring at each other from behind me, "Honey if you need to talk about something, were always here", "Yep, except there nothing to talk about." I ran upstairs, before passing Angies room. It stumped me in my path, why couldn't i move? I found myself staring into her empty covers. Before i reached the verge of tears, i grabbed the door handle and slammed it shut, before i ran into my room and did the very same.
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I came down for dinner after a day spent locked in my room, we all sat down, i was sat across a single empty chair. I forced dad to swap seats with me. Then mom spoke, "Angie's loss has been so hard on all of us, so what if go out together as a family?". What happened to the silence? I got up and stomped my way back to my cave.
Look at me, staring myself down in the mirror. I refused to call it self-destruction, the last week has just been avoiding confronting the problem at all costs. I hated it, but i didn't make myself conscious enough of it to stop.
Even though i knew it in my head that she's gone, i can't bare letting my heart know too.
She was still here, she was, i know she was.
*sigh*
YOU ARE READING
Over The Fence
General FictionAt the age of 8 years old, she watched the person she loved most fall into the depths of death. Then she tried to fall too, but only into the depths of depression. She grew up navigating a life haunted by a shattered past. So broken, but so young an...
