Gliding my fingertips down the ridges of the paper, how such thin pages can block out so much noise and words so small, but mean so much. Sitting on my bed, drawing my eyes from word to word, trying to keep my brain inside these chapters but the outside world scapes in.
"She needs more therapy, Sebastian!"
"She's fine! I've been paying for her therapy for the last 5 years and it hasn't done anything!"
"Yes, it has! It's been 6 years, 6 whole years Sebastian.."
"She can't handle her depression on her own!"
"My daughter doesn't have depression, Lila! She's over it!"
"And she's not going to another stupid therapist!!"
My own father is ashamed of me, and my mother is too, but she uses this therapy thing as a way to deal with me but not at the same time. Neither of them has ever asked what I was feeling, they were disappointed in me for staying in a depressed state, but they may still be dealing with it too.
☾Sunday, 4th February 2024☽
"Call you later, Byeee!"
So many years withered away at me but my friendship with Melanie has kept me alive.
'9:37PM'
*Knock, knock, knock*
"Hunny time for bed you have school tomorrow"
"Ok mom, goodnight"
"Goodnight my love"
I turn off the light and lay in bed, staring at the stars through my window. Quickly they were hidden from me with a wave of clouds. So much as a cloudy sky makes me sink deeper into this pool. This pool inside my head.
Depression, a pool you unknowingly step into, it's shallow, cool and uncomfortable but not unbearable. You try to step out but as you move the floor beneath you slopes and feeds you further in. Your waist deep now, its cold, chipping away at all your senses making it hard to remember what warmth feels like. Your trying to paddle your way out, but its got a grasp on you pulling you under. Its at your chest, the water is thick and your having trouble breathing. You open your mouth to scream but suddenly the water floods into your mouth. You're sinking down, suffocating in an abyss, cut off from the world never to see or feel again. Time slows down, this water pressing against from all sides, for you never to touch the surface again.
Therapy did not take me out of this pool, but it kept me in one spot, instead of reaching out a hand my parents told me to stay still. Im not falling deeper but i'm stuck knees deep, and while i stabilise my ground i can feel myself getting washed away sooner or later.
"If you cannot reach my hand then hold onto your heart because forever i stay there." - Angie
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Im soo sorry i haven't been updating, but alot more time has opened up and get ready to continue following Jolie's story. Because it only gets deeper from here.
Please consider voting or commenting on this chapter or past chapters for more frequent updates!
See you soon!
- Alexia ♡︎
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Over The Fence
General FictionAt the age of 8 years old, she watched the person she loved most fall into the depths of death. Then she tried to fall too, but only into the depths of depression. She grew up navigating a life haunted by a shattered past. So broken, but so young an...
