Over The Fence

Chapter 4 - Constellation

☾Saturday, 24th August 2018☽

It had been 2 weeks since that day at the crime scene, i've been carrying a heavy shadow over my shoulder and collecting the pieces of her presence that are already being left behind.

"Wednesday, 29th of August" 

"Huh?"

"Thats when the funeral is organised"

"Oh..."

Traditionally, i viewed funerals as a form of goodbye, not that i've ever been to one. But if saying goodbye is a way of moving on and forgetting, then i'll be staying right here mourning her for eternity. I sat there on my bed, looking up at the night sky connecting the stars, it reminded me of her. How she always told me to follow the moon and stars home, when she couldn't be there to guide me. So now i'm afraid of cloudy nights.

☾Monday, 26th August 2018☽

Mom and Dad arrived home early morning from visiting all close family who they wanted to tell in person, Aunty Jane had been looking after me. Mom brought home a simple black dress to arrive to the funeral in. It was disgusting and sad, not what she would have wanted.

☾Wednesday, 29th August 2018☽

Long rows of wooden seats, and a golden frame of Angie stood tall at the front of the building. Every person there, expressed their concern, even strangers. They all told me the same thing, they all told me that forgetting and moving on is the way to 'get better'. Just because i wasn't ok, doesn't mean i need to 'get better'. I wasn't sick or mentally unstable, i was mourning, a concept i thought more people would understand. 

"It's ok, just keeping talking to the people who are here to support you"

"Eventually, it will get better and you will be able to put it in the past love"

"Oh honey i'm so sorry, just keeping pushing and remember your still safe and heathy" 

Mum, Dad, Aunty Jane & Grandma Louis said their mournings and brought everyone to tears. A few even had to step out. I couldn't help but block it all out and pretend she was still there next to me. Until, i was called up to give a few words that i had not planned. I stood up petrified, each step i felt my feet fall through the floor. I couldn't focus, i couldn't talk, i could not forget her. 

"Go on Jolie, don't be afraid"

"Um..uhh......I..um..."

A thousand eyes glared at me with concern or even disappointment, i had no words to express and no emotions i wanted too. "Don't say goodbye, say how much i'm still alive...to you" I cleared my throat and said...

"We are not here to say goodbye, because you can never say goodbye. Were here to cherish the moments when we were enlightened by her warm embrace and beautiful mind. We can never forget the fact that from that day, she lives on through the whispers in our hearts and her echos in our souls. Angie, the only one who truly ever understood me, I will put you in the sky as my constellation —visible yet unreachable, forever guiding my steps. I love you, but will not miss you, because your always going to still be here with me, Thank you"