I have defined myself through grief. When reality hits, you gain a new consciousness, mine is pain and loss. So I'm keeping my mind to a frame, just trying to look at the bigger picture. Which for me, is finding peace and learning acceptance. But beyond the frame, I find pieces of my mind still trying to cut me down.
My eyes were glued to the stars, while I kept myself awake in the dead of night. My outside mind corners in slowly.
What if... I turned back and waited.
What if... I ran instead of just freezing there.
What if... I will just be better, work harder, it will all be ok
The dangers in my head concluded to a trade, sell my soul to a lie and all will grow better. I forced myself asleep, but all that was within my picture now was a plan that would crumble with a single tap.
Knock Knock
I had finished breakfast and gotten dressed for the day until I was called to the front door. "Jolie someone's here to see you!" At the door stood Melanie Jane, my best friend. "Jolie!" Melanie ran in to hug me, but all i could do was step back, i wasn't ready, i hadn't even touched my parents since the incident. But i remembered the devil's deal that i had made, i threw myself at Melanie giving her the most uncomfortable hug for both of us.
Was i better now?
"Melanie? What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see you, we've all missed you so much"
My eyes stuck to the floor, i had missed so much school, Angie wouldn't of done that.
"Well i'm coming back next week! Im so excited!"
I saw the excitement on Melanie's face, and the confusion and slightest rage on Mom's.
"Well i have to go, but i am SO excited to see you next week! Bye!!"
"Byee!"
I turned to see mom's eyes glaring at mine. "What do you mean your going to school next week?", "Doctor Chaney said you should take at least 2 months off, going to her sessions and just processing it all."
She didn't understand, if i didn't do this then...then, nothing would change. I need to be, act like Angie. I need her presences to get better! All i could do was roll my eyes, i had nothing to say because when the bargain i made gets questioned, there is no answer.
Because i was trying to live a lie.
YOU ARE READING
Over The Fence
Художественная прозаAt the age of 8 years old, she watched the person she loved most fall into the depths of death. Then she tried to fall too, but only into the depths of depression. She grew up navigating a life haunted by a shattered past. So broken, but so young an...
