Beauty Beyond Compare

Chapter Three:

Hindi ako lumabas ng isang buwan. Nagsimula na ang klase ko at dapat grade-five na ako ngayon pero nandito pa rin ako sa kuwarto.

Simula nang gawin sa akin iyon ni Mommy ay hindi ko na siya nakita pa. Bukod pa sa hindi ako lumalabas ng kuwarto ko, hindi na talaga siya nagpapakita. Hindi niya ako hinahanap o tinatawag. Noong araw na iyon ay pinuntahan ako ni Daddy, ginagamot ko ang sarili ko nang datnan niya ako.

Tumitig lang siya sa akin at bumuntong hininga bago lumabas ng kuwarto.

Nagpapadala ng modular ang school ko dahil homeschooled na raw ako sabi ng Daddy ko sa kanila. Mabuti naman pinag-aaral pa rin pala nila ako.

Moore tries to talk to me. When my parents aren't around, he would come to my window and knock, but  I won't answer him. I'm scared he'll see me like this, scared he'll say something mean.

Tuluyan ko nang kinalbo ang sarili ko. Iyak ako nang iyak noon habang nakatingin sa salamin habang ginagawa iyon sa sarili ko.

"I'm sorry," iyon ang lagi kong binabanggit habang shinishave ang buhok ko.

Nakasuot lang ako ng bonet ngayon. Daddy saw me in it, but he didn't say anything. Maybe it's better that way. Everything still hurts so much, and I don't think I could handle more pain.

I heard something hit my window. I stood up, peeking out cautiously. It was Moore, still in his school uniform.

"Nakita kita!" sigaw niya. Agad akong umatras. "Bell! Labas ka na diyan, laro na tayo!" sigaw nito at pumiyok pa.

I looked down, tears welling up again. If only he knew how much I wanted to go out and play with him. I miss hearing his grandpa's stories, na mi-miss ko na ang kubo nila kung saan masarap magpahinga.

"Bell, please," he said, and I was surprised. I took a step forward and opened my window. His face lit up when he saw me, but then his brow furrowed as he saw my beanie.

"S-sa susunod na lang, Moore," I forced a smile, but tears streamed down my face. I was confused when he turned and walked away. Maybe he was scared of how I looked, maybe he didn't want to be friends anymore.

I cried even harder, bumagsak ako sa sahig at tinakpan ang mukha ko. Why did I have to look like this? Why couldn't I be normal?

Suddenly, I heard the sharp clang of metal against my window. I stood up and looked out, but bumped into something hard.  It wasn't a thing, it was Moore's head.

"Aguy!"

"Ouch!" sabay naming daing. Nakahawak ako sa noo ko at hinimas iyon. How did he get up here? My room is so high!  I looked down and saw a rickety bamboo ladder. It didn't look safe at all!

"Ang tigas naman ng ulo mo!" aniya at hinihimas ang bumbunan niya. Siya kaya iyon! "Puwede ba akong pumasok, umuuga kasi eh, baka mabaklas, tinali lang namin 'to ni Moose," agad akong tumango at umatras para makapasok siya. Tumalon siya sa sahig mula sa bintana ko, ngayon ay magkapantay na kami.

"B-bakit nandito ka?"

"Ayaw mo ba akong makita?" he looked around my room. Everything was white. It was my favorite color. His gaze landed on me, then on my beanie.

I felt my heart pounding, but I took it off.

He was shocked. His mouth opened and closed, as if he wanted to say something but couldn't.

"Yeah, ginawa ni Mommy ito," I said while touching my head. I ran my fingers over the smooth skin where my long white hair used to be. The ache was still there, a ghost of the joy I felt brushing those silken strands.

But even though people, especially my parents, hate me, I vowed to love and accept every part of myself. My purple eyes, my white hair, my delicate features, my sensitive skin, a testament to my vulnerability and strength. I embraced it all. I loved it all.

I loved myself.

He came closer and hugged me. I winced because his hug was so tight, and I could smell the sun on him, like he'd been playing outside.

"Nandito lang ako palagi sayo, Bell," he said, his voice calm and reassuring. I froze, his words a comfort to my aching heart. He pulled away, his hand resting on my head. "Maganda ka pa rin,"

The words were simple, but they meant the world to me. It was like a weight had lifted, the pain I'd been carrying suddenly lighter.  He was the only one who had ever said those words to me. Maybe, even with how I looked, he saw something beautiful in me.  His gaze, a quiet affirmation, whispered that even in the face of change, he still saw the beauty that resided within.

Moore started visiting me regularly after that. After school, he'd head straight to the mansion, sometimes with his twin brother, Moose. They'd climb up my window, may kung ano-ano pang dala.

"Kailan mo balak lumabas?" Moose asked one day, interrupting my attempt to fold a paper airplane.

"H-hindi ko pa alam,"

"Kung natatakot ka sa sasabihin ng mga tao doon sa amin, parang hindi mo naman sila kilala. Mababait sila diba?" tumango ako. "Mas marami tayong malalaro kung sa labas tayo maglalaro." seryoso niyang sabi habang hawak-hawak ang eroplanong papel niya.

"Tama si Moose, sigurado naman kaming tutulungan ka ni Mama." ngumiti si Moore.

I thought about it. Mommy had been leaving more often, and Daddy didn't even seem to care about what I was doing anymore. He'd even caught Moore in my room once, but he didn't say a word.

"Siguro sa susunod," I replied, a hint of longing in my tone. I missed the sensation of fresh air brushing against my skin, the feeling of the wind whirling through the field, making the grass dance around me. The bittersweet but comforting feeling of the afternoon sun's rays on my sensitive skin, a warmth that I couldn't fully experience anymore. I found myself yearning for those carefree days before, playing games with just the three of us.

"Aasahan namin 'yan," nakangiting sabi ni Moore.

When I finished my paper airplane, we ran to my window and sat side by side, nasa gitna nila ako, our feet dangling over the edge. Even though it was high up, we weren't afraid..

"Isa, dalawa, tatlo!" sabay-sabay naming binitawanan ang eroplanong papel namin para paliparin.

"Waa!" reklamo ko nang hindi man lang lumipad sa malayo ang akin, bumagsak agad ito sa babang parte ng mansyon. Ang pinaka malayo ay kay Moore at kasunod naman ang sa kapatid niya.

"Talo ka," natatawang sabi ni Moose. Dahil doon ay ako ang bababa para kunin ang papel namin. Natatakot ako dahil itong ginawa lang nilang hagdan ang gagamitin ko.

"Ako na," hinawakan ni Moore ang braso ko at siya na ang bumaba sa hagdan na tumutunog pa sa sobrang rupok. Natahimik naman ako sa ginawa ni Moore at pinanood na lang siya.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," napalingon ako kay Moose na umiliing at nakangisi sa kapatid niya.

"May problema ba?"

"Wala naman, tara tagu-taguan," tumalon siya mula sa bintana ko pababa sa kwarto ko at inalalayan niya naman ako. "Moore! Bilis! tagu-taguan!" tumango naman si Moore at umakyat na sa hagdanan.

Naglalaro kami ng tagu-taguan sa mansyon kapag wala ang mga magulang ko, kaya ayos lang gawin iyon ngayon.

"Ako na taya, tutal ako naman ang talo sa palayuan ng eroplanong papel eh," I said. Moose and Moore nodded and we headed down to the living room.

I found Moose first. He always hid in the same spot. When it was our turn to hide, I didn't know where to go. Nakapagtago na kasi ako sa lahat ng puwedeng taguan dati.

I was wandering through the huge kitchen when I felt something grab my foot from under the sink.

"Bell, dito," Seamore whispered. I knelt down and smiled. He was so clever. I squeezed into the cabinet with him. He closed the door, and it went dark.

"Ang gandang taguan nito," napabungisngis ako. Ang talino talaga ng isang ito.

"Shh, nandiyan na siya," narinig ko ang mahinang yapak ni Moose sa kusina. Kinakatok pa niya ang mga cabinet.

"Bulaga!" I almost screamed, but Moore pulled my head against his chest and covered my mouth. I was pressed against him, his arm around me and his hand covering my mouth. Hindi pala sa tinataguan namin ang binuksan ni Moose, muntik na kami!

"Shh," Moore whispered. I just nodded, unable to speak.

"Ang daya! Nasaan na ba kayo?"  We heard Moose's voice fading away. Moore released me, and I leaned back against him. My heart was pounding. I didn't know why. Was it because I was scared Moose would find us, or because I was so close to Moore?