Watching Her

chapter 29: whipped cream

If he wanted to play, I could play. I saw the fire in his eyes light up again, when I heard the thunder from outside. It startled something inside of me and I slightly jumped. He noticed, his reaction being a chuckle. He knew I was slightly scared of the storm, but in a good way. 

"Yeah, I do" His grin showed his perfectly white teeth. I tugged a strand of hair behind my ear. 

"How so?" 

"I used to do the same, just wilder." It felt as if the air between us was so extremely thick. 

"What do you mean?" My voice was seductive as I played his game. It was fun.

"Well, I used to spend my time in abandoned places with my brothers. We would drink, smoke, bring girls over." It came back to my mind that he was not the only Bane. I knew Luca, but the other two? I had never really spent much time with me and it annoyed me that Luca had never shown me the place. 

We had practically been best friends until high school, and yet he never had shown me the place he spent so much time in? Maybe I did not know him like I thought I did, but I decided to forget about it now. 

"How old were you?" I leaned forward playfully, knowing how to slightly bring my chest further out. 

"We first found it when we were twelve, but started with all of that at around... Fourteen?" He earned a smile from me as I watched him clench his jaw again, when his eyes found mine again. 

"Fourteen is damn young." I commented and he raised a brow. I probably did wilder things at fourteen, that nobody liked to see. He did not need to know that. He was biting a part of the inside of his lip before he answered. 

"Not for me. I was the oldest, so it all started with me and my brothers started to tag along once they reached that age." I really, really wanted to see that place now. I wanted to go there to feel what he had been feeling there all these years. He must have felt free, the most power he had was there. 

"Wow, such a role model." I scooted closer to him, my legs hitting his lower abdomen as he stood in between them. He let out a deep chuckle and I could not help but think to myself that I liked making him laugh. Hell, I liked making him smile and act like he was right now. I held the power while he did not know it. 

"I know, princess." His nickname for me rung in my ears. I hated it in some way, but I also felt something different about it. I did not know why he called me this, maybe because he thought I was spoiled. I could not care less. 

But this feeling still agitated me and I was done acting like I did. All of a sudden I desperately wanted to go to bed, away from him. Reality pulled me back to remind me where I actually stood. Him calling me this... I could not allow it, I knew. Once I did, there was a line he had crossed. A line I had crossed and I could not go back after that. I would have to face the consequences. 

"Don't call me that if you want me to like you." I snapped at him. I was done with the game now, I decided. Like, as in a friend. Not even, an acquaintance. I was not sure yet, but not more than that. 
"Isn't it already too late for that?" He chuckled while I jumped from the counter. Now that I was standing, he was dangerously close to me. He had not made a move to move out of the way, or even make some space for me to at least stand and breathe. In my mind, he gained a few insults for that. 

His hands were still on the counter. He was still leaning forward. Just that my legs were not in between his anymore. At least something, right? 

Small steps, I guess. 

He kept on watching me, while I looked around the room and out to the hall. The kitchen door was still open, I just had not noticed. I wanted to change, shower, fall back into my bed. I wanted to leave him here, with his stupid hot chocolate. 

I felt stupid. Even vulnerable.

I did not wait more than a second for him to move and create some space between us. There was this challenging look on his face, asking me, "What are you going to do, if I won't step aside?" .It was snobby, yet, he had the power again. He had the control again, but only because I let him have it this time. 

At least that was what I was telling myself.

 Only because I decided to leave the situation. I surely should have gotten a thanks from him. 

I pushed his chest away with my bare hands, just strong enough to startle him and make him take two steps back. I knew that only the surprise in this moment helped me gain space, otherwise, he would not have budged. He was strong, he looked like it at least. He had carried me up the stairs, so he had to be. 

I heard him say something, but I ignored it. Or at least I tried, but him taking my wrists and keeping them on his chest startled me. I looked up at him in surprise, not knowing what was going to happen next. 

"Let me go." I gasped out. I had surely not expected him to do that, but this evening was full of surprises, I realized now. 

He did let go, without another word. I felt his eyes on my back as I exited the kitchen door and made my way to the stairs. I did not even hear him move or breath once I had turned away from him, but I was glad that he had not decided to walk after me. I shook my head slightly as I cursed at myself for acting so... So childish, so dumb. I really needed to get to sleep, especially after this stressful day. 

The only light was coming from the kitchen and as soon as I reached the top floor, I was engulfed in darkness. I had to find my own way to my room and I just hoped I would walk into the right one. 

- 

After my long awaited shower, I finally felt the warmth in my body come back again. While I walked to the sink, the towel in my hand going through my hair, I let out a deep sigh. I saw myself in the mirror and could not help but look at my body once more. I regretted sitting in front of him in tight, wet clothes just an hour ago. 

Mirrors were a constant reminder that I could not show myself how others showed themselves. I was not skinny, I would never be if I kept drinking hot chocolates and talk instead of train. I needed to stay on track. 

It was the only thing I could control in this chaos that I was forced to call my life. 

The steam in the bathroom slowly escaped once I opened the door to my walk in closet, pulling out an old hoodie and some sleeping pants. I knew I would be cold tonight, still feeling the water surround my body as I put on some clothes. I just hoped I would not freeze or even get sick. I just did not have the time and energy for that. 

Once I got out of the closet, I saw something on my night stand, making me internally jump. As I went further to inspect it, I saw that it was a freshly made cup of hot chocolate, with a mountain of whipped cream on it this time. He had remembered, but before I could give him credit for that, I reminded myself that our conversation had been just half an hour ago. It was nothing special, right?

 I leaned down to smell the deliciousness of the hot liquid and hummed. I knew it was from him, but I did not dare go out of my room now, find him and address his unwanted visit to my room. What did he want to tell me with that? Was it supposed to be an apology?

I just needed sleep.

And maybe the morning hit me sooner than I had hoped.