Watching Her

Chapter 8: please, I'm sorry

To say that my mother had startled me with this sudden "family" dinner, was not even fitting for this situation. Then adding that she had invited the most powerful man I knew to our home, did only add to that.

All throughout this evening I felt uncomfortable. How he was sitting directly opposite of me, never even glancing into my direction more than it was necessary so he wouldn't seem rude or dismissive. How he would nod into my father's direction while talking to him, only showcasing his facial features.

"So, of course, we don't want to waste your time further more, Mister Bane." My father stood up, once our plates were empty, their glasses filled for the last time. This dreadful evening would finally come to an end. The end that would mean I could return back to my dorm, gossiping to Adriana who was awaiting me. I just didn't know, that the end would be this far away.

Mateo Bane stood up, as I kept silent in my seat, sipping on the only glass of white wine i had throughout this entire dinner, my plate still filled. The tingling in my body hadn't left me these two hours, something that stopped me completely from moving.

Just in a blur, I noticed how he stood up, thanked my parents as they led him to the door, still chatting innocently about something I couldn't comprehend. Everything was a blur right now. I knew i would get in trouble, I knew i had acted nothing but impolite this evening.

Something inside of me was acting up, but I didn't know what and i didn't know what to do against it. I knew my parents would be furious, I knew this evening would be plastered into my mind. I knew, I knew, I knew, and yet I couldn't move. I could only wait until I would hear their yelling, their complaints and insults.

How I was a poor example of a daughter.

How the boarding school did nothing to form my behavior.

How I would get sent back to Russia.

How they would scream and cry like little children.

I was terrified of them, while the memories of this dinner seemed like it had been years ago. All this time, the richest man I knew was sitting directly in front of me, ignoring me like I had done something to his family, like I wasn't worthy enough to be looked at.

Questions flooded through my head. Was I not good enough for him? Had he heard of the trouble I had caused my family? What did he know about me? There was something that everybody knew except me and I did not like it one bit.

But there was nothing I could do about it either. I was only a silly little girl, her dreams once crushed by the people she was meant to love, the people she wanted to love. Now, they did not mean anything to her. Yet, they held power over her, power which she could never fight against.

In the blur of my vision as I held onto my glass ever so tight, I saw two figures standing there again. The room was filled with the wrong people. I heard them calling my name, getting more furious each time as I tried to get my attention away form the. To blur them out and away. If it was so easy.

I knew who was standing there, in front of me, only the dinner table between us. The dinner table that was so nicely decorated, beautiful plates set onto them with matching wine glasses. In the middle, the rest of the dessert that I had not even dared to look at. How the warm light of the candles tried to make this apartment seem friendlier. So that nobody would see through their facade every time. But every time, the people fell for it. Except me.

When I was younger, I had tried to make attempts at showing the guests who my mother and father really were. That they were not just the wealthy people they made them out to be. That I needed help. And every time, they would leave me alone as soon as the door was closed. And every time, I would be locked into my dark room, all alone. I would always be alone.