Watching Her

chapter 33: hot water

The pain in my bones and in my throat had worsened. So much, that I feared that not even sleep could help me. 

Mateo had checked in on me once after the man had left, and I had acted like I was sleeping so that he did not have the chance to assume anything. Even though I had heard it all. It was hard to pretend like I was in deep slumber as soon as he came in, not only because acting was not part of the few things I was good at, but because my whole body started to ache just as they had finished talking. 

As I looked around, waking up for the bazillionth time because of the pain, I saw that only a small lamp on the coffee table was on, next to it a filled plate of egg drop soup. my mouth watered slightly at the look of it, but I could not get myself to even sit up, despite crawling to the table and grabbing the plate. Every breath was a struggle. Every small movement to make the blanket lie perfectly on top of my body felt like I had done three marathons in one go, with a side of heavy lifting right after it. The last ten percent of the cuts that were left had started to sting on my arms, but I did not have the strength to inspect them, slightly scared at was awaiting me if I would. 

I knew I could not talk, even utter a few words, as my voice had turned into the one of a seventy - year old smoker and it hurt, all at the same time. My legs, they could have been chopped off, it would not have made a difference. I just felt too weak to even think. I did not even consider getting up to my room and continue resting. 

As I continued to look around, barely seeing anything because of the dim light, I saw that there was no light peeking out under the kitchen door. They had probably been all turned off throughout the entire house because it was deep at night. I desperately wanted to sleep, but my body kept me from it. And I felt scared. 

Not scared like in a horror movie, where the main character was exploring an abandoned house and shouting for somebody to be there, only to be murdered by some kind of sick, haunted doll. But scared as in I felt lonely. Lonely enough that my mind kept me from falling back asleep because I did not want to be alone in this huge house. I had probably only seen a tiny part of it and I felt so, so insignificant and left behind, that it was killing me. I needed somebody to be there. Just their presence would suffice. 

With much desperation, pain and left over strength, I sat up. The view in the living room had not changed, and I wanted to curl myself into a ball and close my eyes until somebody would come to my side. Still, this was not an option for me, as I knew that that somebody would never come. I wished I could call Adriana, but there was still some things floating around the room that we had not talked about, so that was hardly an option. When Adriana got mad, if that ever happened, there was a lot to do to get on her good side again. And I had broken one of our most important rules that night - that we would never forget each other - so I was not on the good kid's list. 

With one sharp breath, I lifted my legs off the couch, feeling the stinging pain on the side of my body as my feet landed on top of the soft, fluffy, carpet. Having to take another deep breath, I stood up while holding onto the ledge of the couch to support me. I stood still for a second, looking around me, as if I had expected anything in the room to change or transform into an animal. 

Finally, I got to the end of the stairs, the only light being the moon and stars to guide me as I was afraid to wake anyone. I got ahold of the wooden railing and braced myself for the strength I would need. Why did I, all of a sudden, feel so fragile and thin? I hated feeling this way, I wanted to be strong again, but something just did not want to allow that. I shut my eyes tightly, blinking away any potential tears at the disappointment, and started walking up the steps. 

A few times during walking upstairs, I had to hold myself back from yelping or whimpering, as my legs burned and hurt so much. Yet, I knew, I would not want to wake Mateo up and have some kind of awkward conversation, it really was not worth it. And I knew I would feel embarrassed as well. I grunted silently, once I reached the top