Watching Her

chapter 35: caring

I still could not believe Mateo. He had - fully dressed- gotten into the bathtub with me. I looked up at him, meeting his eyes that had already been staring at me. My conscience told me, that it was not at my body though, he had really respected my decision. 

I was sitting in his lap now, the steaming water up to my ribs, while he sat criss - crossed beneath me. The bottom of his shirt clung to him, but he did not complain. 

"Thank you." I muttered, not exactly knowing what to say in such a moment. Should I scream at him to get out? Should I just let him stay here? It was really his decision. 

His eyes softened after I thanked him, but then went to my tangled hair. My cheeks got even redder, if that was possible. I remembered my hair tie not wanting to get out of my messed up strands, so I had decided not to bother with it any further. Now, his hands went from stabilizing my body at my hips, to my hair, without saying anything. Maybe this was just as awkward for him as it was for me. Something inside of me laughed when I pictured this grown, feared man embarrassed because of my hair. 

His fingers went to working out my hair tie and I could not stop watching him while he did this. I did not know at first if he noticed me now staring at him, but he did not say anything about it at first. 

"I know you're staring at me." He chuckled slightly, probably an attempt to lighten the situation. I felt the heat from the water go up to my face now, and bit my lip in attempt to hide it. I looked onto the clear surface of the water, my bare legs beneath it, and tried to think of something else. His hands were still wrapped deeply in my hair.

"You didn't have to look away." He whispered, a silent order for me to look back up to him. I never met a man like him, somebody who was able to confuse me so easily. I liked that about him, but at the same time he was giving me a really hard time to not like him. 

He finally got out the hair tie and flung it onto the ground next to the bathtub, I watched him do so. Then, he grabbed a hair brush that was lying on the brim of the tub, guiding it towards my hair. I took a deep breath as I felt the brush starting to detangle my hair, my face now turned away from him again. 

I tried to focus on the water. How I felt it in my limbs now, the heat of it heeling a part of me. I felt something I had not felt in a long time, and it was nice. It was different to what I had felt before, but it was a nice, soft feeling, even warm. I wanted to curl up in this feeling, treasure it forever. I wanted to hold it to my heart, cage it in, but in the nicest way I could. I did not know when the feeling appeared completely, but now, it was here. I did not want it to leave me again. 

I felt him brush my hair, sometimes stop because of the knots and then try it again, while his other hand gently held the strands he was brushing. I could not even remember when my mother had last brushed my hair for me. 

"You don't have to do this, you know?" I scoffed the last two words. I did not want him to see me like a girl, who could not handle anything on her own. Like a baby he could not leave out of his sight. And I did not want to be a burden either, now that I thought about it. My hands played with the water slowly, feeling the release of the tension in my arms and wrists. 

"But I want to." He answered. I stopped focusing on the water - only for a second - and then resumed. He must have noticed it as well, because he continued talking. "I've noticed your pain, Celine." There it was again. This husky voice saying my name. How the fire ran through my blood once I heard him utter those letters in the right order. How I felt my eyes lighting up once I heard him say this, my name. My name from his lips. It seemed... Perfect. 

I mentally slapped myself before I could continue thinking about his words. 

"I've noticed how you walked up to me this night. I've noticed how you sometimes turn around too fast and have to stop yourself because it hurts." I wanted to stop him from going any further, but I did not. I wanted to hear what he had to say. "I've noticed that the way you cried when I found you in the gym, was not because of the fall you took from the tread mill. I know you're strong."